For me it is a day I reflect on all the joy I have been given but it holds heaviness to it too. It's complicated. It is a day I remember longing for what I didn't have yet. It's a day where I grieve for my children and the questions they have about their mother's. I grieve for their first mother's as I know today is a day that might possibly stir up hard emotions for them. It's a day I celebrate with my mother and mother-in-law as family. It's a day that I celebrate the 4 wonderful gifts I have been given in my children. They are the reason I get to say I am a mother, and that is a title that I wanted most of all in life!
7 years ago to this day, I wanted nothing more than to be a mom and I wasn't part of "the club" yet, and it hurt more than I expected it to. In fact I am pretty sure I joined the club of many other women who the day is hard for by avoiding church on that day. It was just a reminder of unmet dreams and when you long to be part of the club and aren't for reasons outside of your control, it's hard.
Then I think back to 6 years ago today. Ah, I was a mom. But not in the physical sense yet. But in my heart, I was captivated by a little boy half a world away from me. I was his mom, loving him from afar. Getting our referral only 5 short days before Mother's Day was a tremendous gift to my heart!
Then to think back 5 years ago. My arms were finally full, and full to the brim! Not only was my first son home with us, but we had been blessed with a second son! Those days were a complete blur
to me! We were exhausted and tired but I couldn't have been happier to see my dreams come true!
By my next Mother's Day I had been blessed again, with my first precious daughter! Life was amazing and I couldn't have been any happier. My days were oh so busy, filled with doing all the things that a mom does. But there was not a single thing I could complain about. My dreams had come true. Then brought the next several years of Mother's Day's and they've all felt about the same. We've brought home another beautiful and precious little girl and my arms and heart have felt full. I don't know what I have done to deserve all these precious children. Nothing makes me happier than to be their mother!
Yes, the days are very busy and yes my hands are full. I am tired and overwhelmed most of the time. But even on the really hard days of parenting, I know deep down inside me that I am living the best days of my life. I just want to bottle up these moments and never let them pass. I love watching the kids run around and play in the yard. I love their snuggles and the conversations we have. The things that Peter and I find hilarious that they do and say and yet the rest of the world can't understand why that is funny. Watching them work hard at things and excel with practice. This is a beautiful time time in our lives! I know I take these days for granted and I don't want to do that. I know far sooner than I am ready, they will grow older and while those moments will be sweet too, I just want to enjoy them for who they are today!
I've been accused of being addicted to having babies and kids, and well that might just be true. My dream has always been to have a house full of kids and I am living that dream now! I look forward to the day where my house is filled to the brim with sons and daughters and their spouses and grandkids running all around! But for now, I just want to soak in every single moment that I have them and they are little. There will be a day that I'm not constantly picking up toys, or putting bandaids on and offering hugs to wipe away the tears. There will be a day that I can have the nice furniture and it won't get ruined. A day where the laundry no longer piles up faster than I can get it done. The day will come when we can watch a movie in peace without hearing footprints running the hall, or sleep alone in our bedroom without tripping over kids in the morning. There will be a day where we will have more money in the bank account because we won't be paying for sports or feeding a large family. But I know for a fact that none of these things really matter to me. I can survive without sleep. I can clean those hand prints off the glass for the tenth time this week. I can live without that extra money because money and nice furniture can't buy me that feeling I hold in my heart for my children. I am so incredibly blessed by each of my children! My heart is so full to overflowing for each of them.