Malachi's Photo Album

I love scrapbooking! Over the last few years I have changed over to digital scrapbooking and I have to say that I love digital scrapbooking even more. It just feels so much easier to sit down and organize my pages and the printed books look AMAZING and I don't have to worry about wear and tear over the years on it.

I have found it pretty easy to stay up to date with everything since going digital and have been able to keep up on a family album and the individual albums for the boys. I have had Malachi's first album done for quite some time but we have been waiting until it fit in our budget to order it.

Today I was able to get myself off the couch for awhile and go through and make a few final changes and get it sent to be printed. I can't wait until it gets here! Here are just a few of my many favorite pages in Malachi's Baby Album:

So many sweet memories put into this book!

Not Sure

Not sure what to title this post because it is so random.

Today was a rough day in general. Malachi woke up cranky and I woke up tired. Throughout the day Malachi's mood didn't really improve which I know this change is hard on the kids too. It is hard that mommy can't be as mobile with them as I once was. It is hard on me too, I actually hate it. I hate that when I stand up to get more water or go the bathroom that Eli clings to my legs begging me to pick him up. I still do as much cuddling as I can with them on the couch, but I know they would prefer that I were more mobile. Tonight I was in the shower when Malachi went to bed and apparently it broke his little heart that he didn't get to tell me goodnight. So I went into his room after I got out (he was wailing) and read to him and sang to him for awhile. I just feel so bad that they need me and I can't be as involved as I would like.

Then there is the whole doing what is best for baby. I don't want to sound at all like my boys aren't important, but in this moment getting through these next few weeks pregnant IS the most important thing. Today was the first day that I actually thought I may be going into labor and it was really scary. I was having lots of pelvic pressure. Since I had an epidural when I was in labor, I never really felt an urge to push or anything, just this slight pressure type feeling and that is exactly how I felt today. Like any slight move and my water would break and the baby would just fall out (oh, if delivery were THAT easy). Then at dinner tonight I started having contractions and by the time I finished dinner and started timing them they were about 2 minutes apart for probably 40 minutes total. I was already very well hydrated so I just laid on my left side and they started to space out. When I got home I took a very quick shower and the whole time I was having contractions. Fortunately things have calmed down now but I am just praying this little one is not trying to come out too soon.

In other stuff, we made it through month #2 of the year and our focus on our finances. We actually had a pretty good month financially (besides medical bills, man are FFN's expensive!) We got our state refund this month which went straight into savings and we also started the process to refinance our home and lock in a much better interest rate which will definitely help our budget every month! We are on target to reach our savings account goal very soon and even put some extra in for our trip to Disneyland this year. We had decided we would not be making our yearly trip to Disneyland to save the money this year and well we got an opportunity we just could not pass up. My parents have been on a wait list for 2 years to get into The Grand Californian Villa's (which are literally just steps from the park entrance) and their request finally came through! So free accommodations steps away from the park, all 3 kids still getting into the parks for free, only 1 kid requiring an airplane ticket - it really isn't going to be that expensive for the week so we had to jump on it (not that it took us any convincing)!

So this year getting back on track with finances really seems to be going well after a rough first month. We still have areas that we need to improve and tighten up on but I am feeling very optimistic that we will get there soon! Going to feel great to complete baby step #3!!!

32 Weeks

Today I hit the 32 week Goal we had set! That is great news and at 32 weeks a baby has about the same odds of survival (with NICU help of course) that a full term baby has! That is a huge relief although my ultimate goal is to avoid the NICU altogether this time.

Once again, blood pressure looks good and baby sounds good - blah blah blah.

I had my final FFN as they aren't effective tests to run at 34 weeks. Got the results tonight, showing I am still positive. Doctor was pleased that I am not dilating anymore but is still pretty concerned about some other things. In her words, my body is just saying it is tired and ready to be done with this pregnancy and after back to back pregnancies I can't really blame it. It seems that baby has completely dropped into my pelvis now in anticipation of delivering soon. But the no dilatation is a good sign, even if the FFN is a not so great sign. She said just to maintain very strict bed rest and mentioned that she may release me from bed rest at 34 weeks.

I am still very hopeful of making it to at the MINIMUM 35 weeks which would be March 21st, but it sure would be awesome to get into April. Either way, it is really starting to hit me that we are going to be having another little baby here very soon!

Bag Packed - Check!

Well, life on bed rest is pretty boring (31 1/2 weeks though - yay!) so not much to report on life these days. But over the course of this week I did get a few things checked off of our to-do list. I got pre-registered at our hospital but I must make it to 35 weeks in order for that to even be a possibility but in my mind I am going to make it that far and beyond! I am just not even letting my mind think of the possibility of delivering before that!

I also got most of my hospital bag packed. This was something I was running around trying to finish up when my water broke last time and I will not be caught off guard with it this time (even though I literally used 2 things out of it since I was in and out of the hospital so fast).

My favorite part of the bag and of not finding out what we are having is packing up baby clothes and wondering what we will be using for this little one! As long as this baby gets to stay with us at the hospital, we will get to dress baby right away and I love to play dress up with the kids so I am looking forward to that this time!

I was really drawn to the pink stuff, I have to admit it. But then I started looking at all of those tiny little outfits and memories of Eli wearing them came back and I have to admit I would love to have another little baby boy to wear all those cute things Eli wore. I also packed a few unisex gowns just for good measure :)

I also "think" I have figured out coming home outfits but I may change my mind. We'll see!

31 Weeks!

Well, we have survived week 1 of bed rest and 1 week closer to our goal of a full term little one!

Bed rest is interesting. Actually, this last week has felt like the longest week of my life! I am so used to the boys keeping me so busy that time feels like it is creeping by now that I can't do anything. Bed rest is not easy or fun. It is boring and I have more aches and pains from the lack of movement, but it is all worth it to be a week closer to an at term baby.

There is NO WAY I could survive all of this without the help from my mom. She comes over in the morning, loads up the kids and I and we go over to her house where I lay on the couch all day and she takes care of the kids. I like this, because I am at least able to be around my kids with this system. She does our laundry and cooks all of our meals and we have pretty much turned her entire world upside down because we occupy all of her time. It would be impossible for me to stick to strict bed rest without all of her help. Peter comes over there after work, and we eat dinner with them, my mom gives the boys baths and then Peter loads everyone up and takes us home and gets everyone in bed. It just seems so strange (and hard) for me to not be able to take care of my own family and have to rely on those around me so much.

The kids are adjusting pretty good to the new schedule. At home, we've always followed a pretty good routine and so putting the kids in a different situation and routine has taken some time for them to figure out. It is great because Malachi will still climb up on the couch and give me much needed snuggle time and lots of kisses as does Eli, which I really enjoy. So it is working out pretty good because I don't feel like I am missing out on being with the kids. Malachi is having a verbal explosion right now and loves to dance and sing and show off so it is nice to not miss that. Eli is learning lots of new things - he is pointing at everything now and learning body parts - and I'm right there to at least see it. The kids being happy makes me happy!

As far as the pregnancy goes we are surviving. I am still having quite a few contractions, especially in the evening hours even though I chug water all day long. I have also been feeling more pelvic pressure which worries me quite a bit, but we've made it a week closer and that makes it all worth it.

Bedrest

Well, my FFN came back positive this time so the orders are strict bedrest. I admit I was very surprised by this result and it is hard not to feel somewhat stressed out scared. The good news is that the FFN just says that there is a risk of going into labor within 2 weeks, not a guarantee so if I am careful hopefully we will get this baby to full term.

The news was a little hard to swallow, as strict bedrest is a big deal when I have two little guys already to take care of. But it didn't take long to work out a plan to get us through these next several weeks. I will be retested in 2 weeks but have a pretty good feeling that this bedrest will remain until I reach full term at 37 weeks or deliver.

I am trying to just take it a day at a time, but I admit I am nervous about the possibility of having another preemie. 30 weekers tend to do really well if born early, so that is great but just one week in the NICU broke my heart with Eli and I can't even imagine having weeks or possibly months in the NICU. I also stress about what it would be if we do have to try and balance being there for a little one in the NICU and and trying to be there for the two at home. It was hard enough to balance that for a week and it is almost too much for me to think about. So I just try to remember what has gotten me through the first trimester of both pregnancies - today I am pregnant! Today there is a baby baking inside of me, growing bigger and stronger by the second. Who knows what tomorrow holds and it is still possible for me to make it to full term so we are on the take it one day at a time plan!

30 Weeks

Well, here we are finally at 30 weeks! All along I have been most worried about the stretch from 30-36 weeks and here we are - time to be on high alert!

My appointment today did not go great. All the usual stuff was fine - blood pressure, weight gain right under 20 lbs, heartbeat sounds great! I was telling my doctor about how I am not having braxton hicks anymore and have been drinking a lot of water. She confirmed that I am well hydrated. Then I was telling her about how I have had some really uncomfortable cramping and that I had an episode of 3 hours with crampy contractions 5 minutes apart. I also had another similar episode a couple nights ago that lasted about an hour. So she decided to do another FFN to see if am at risk of labor within 2 weeks. So we await those results once again and hope it will be negative. In other news, she was not thrilled that she could feel the baby's head which is putting additional stress on my cervix and there is now also concern that my cervix may be shortening too early. Now I am off my feet until the results of the FFN come and we will take it from there!

I admit I am starting to get really nervous. About the health of this baby if it doesn't bake long enough. I am so afraid of having another NICU baby but I know we would get through it if that is what happens. I am so afraid of all these restrictions and being able to take care of my boys that are at home or what if this baby has a NICU stay and being pulled between my boys at home and the baby in the hospital and Peter having to go back to work. All these cares that are not mine to worry about. I just have to take this a day at a time and do my part to ensure this baby stays in as long as possible. Will update with FFN results once I get them.

In good news, we are mostly prepared for baby. My goals for the next two weeks are to get pre-registered at the hospital and to get my bag packed and bags packed for the boys. These are two things I waited until the last minute to do with Eli and do not want to have to be worrying about with this little one. So better to just get them knocked off the list!