Post 4 of 30

To my children:

Today's post is supposed to take me back about 11 years to revisit myself at the age of 16 and tell you 10 things I wish I could tell myself about that age.  The reason I haven't posted this section of my posts to you children is because this post has not come easily to me.  I pretty much could not come up with 10 things (at least that I am willing to share publicly) that I want to tell you. I have every intention as you approach those years of your life to take you out and sit down and share my heart and my life experiences with you.

So, while I will not share with you 10 specific things, I will share some things that I wish I could have shared with my 16 year old self.

First thing I want to share, is that being a teenager was not easy for me.  I didn't really enjoy that time of my life very much.  I found it difficult and awkward and was really just ready to get through school and move on with the rest of my life.  As I have hit these mid to late 20's, I feel like I have reached that age that I spend most of my teens and early twenties waiting for!  I finally feel as old as my spirit has always been!

I wish I would have told my self that life would be okay.  That it didn't matter that I wasn't driving yet, or that I struggled with math, or that I didn't have a lot of friends. That I still had a few rough years ahead but then life would take an amazing turn, sooner than I ever imagined possible. I wish I could tell myself that I was not forgotten by God, but loved so much and that He had amazing things planned for my life.

I wish I could have given myself a glimpse of my life today.   That in just 2 short years from the age of 16 I would meet my prince charming and that he really would sweep me off my feet and that at the age of 20 I would walk down the aisle with the love of my life!  There were times I seriously wondered if anyone would or could love me just the way I was.  I wish I could show myself just a moment of what I was waiting for and how loved I am and how amazing true love really is!  And as much as I dreamed that I would grow up and marry that boy I had a crush on at 15 or 16 or even 17, it wouldn't be any of those guys. God had someone so much greater planned for me.  However, I may want to give myself a little bit of a heads up to pay a bit closer attention to that boy that sat behind me on the first day of English class my senior year of high school :)  Although, it all works out in the end.

I wish I could show myself my beautiful African son laying in his bed right now, sound asleep and that even before the age of 16, much closer to 14 God planted a desire in my heart for adoption.  I wish I could give myself a little bit of warning that even though life wouldn't turn out the way I had planned it, it would end up so much better!  That I could warn myself that in about 8 years from that day at 16, there would be a few years filled with worry, heartache, and waiting. But through those hard days, I never needed to doubt or stress because the best days of my life were ahead.  Not only would I get to walk in the doors of an orphanage and pick up that precious little boy that was planted in my heart long ago, but I would also get to experience that blessing and desire to carry a baby within my body not just once, but twice!  I remember at the age of 16, not only did I dream about having 5 children, but I also dreamed that I would have two sons and then a daughter and that very dream would come true.  I would not end up naming my son's Benjamin and Jonathan but I would name my daughter Sabrina Fair,just like I had planned!

I may try and remind myself to keep myself always firmly planted in God.  When my life has been focused on God and staying within His will - things have always worked out perfectly. I may need to send myself a little bit of a reminder that God is always looking out for me and that He has a perfect plan for my life.  Stay on course, read my Bible and always pray.  Even when God felt far away and I felt forgotten. That was never the case. He was always there, working behind the scenes making his beautiful plan for my life come together.

I may have told myself to not stress about making the choice to not go to college.  That I would still land my dream job someday.  Don't stress about the people you met in high school and were "too good" for you, because in 10 years you won't even remember their name.  Just relax a little bit and enjoy life.

Overall, I can't really think of any regrets in my life.  I'm not too sure I would too many things.  There were some bad and really bad days leading up to where I am now, but it has all worked out okay in the end.   I feel like my life has become a dream come true and has exceeded any expectations I could have had for it at the age of 16. I never had grand dreams for my life - I just wanted to grow up and become a wife and mother and well, those dreams have come true!  I have found my happiness with this life and I feel so sooo blessed!