Friday, October 1, 2010

Comparison's

Experiencing a pregnancy right after completing an adoption leads me to comparing the two experiences. It is really cool to get to experience both "methods" of becoming parents. One of the biggest comparison's is definitely the timeline. Pregnancy is flying by and knowing that this baby will be born around early March is so much easier than having no clue of when your little one would be arriving home.

My love for both of my little one's was similar. From the moment we made the decision to adopt, I loved our little one. I carried them around in my heart everywhere. Same thing with this pregnancy. As unexpected and terrifying it was to see that positive line on the pregnancy test, I was happy and in love. Adoption was such an emotional journey. It was so difficult on a deep emotional level and just drained me. Pregnancy has been a very physical journey. I have not felt well in months, I am still constantly exhausted and waiting for that second trimester energy burst to arrive. I am so tired of just not feeling well, much like how I felt emotionally with the adoption.

The two journey's were so completely different, and yet similar and now, with both journey's I have experienced the moment that just stops you in your tracks.

With our adoption, I had lots of amazing moments (getting accepted, getting on the wait list, passing court and knowing he was legally ours) but the stop me in my tracks moment occurred when the call came. I was so depressed and so sooo tired of waiting. The day, May 4th that the call came I had spent my entire morning at work praying for that call to come. Specifically I prayed that it would happen between 11:00 and 11:15, while I was on lunch and Peter thought that would be the ideal time for him too. As I was on lunch, I was just praying, with my phone in my hand that the call would come. Miraculously at 11:10 my phone rang and it was our agency. I finally heard those amazing words "I have a little boy I would like to talk to you about!" and I was stopped in my tracks. It was a perfect moment in my life!

Yesterday I had that moment with this pregnancy. I was kind of in a panicked state of worry. I was worried about how I was going to handle this second part of pregnancy physically. I worry about how my back problems are going to handle this second part. I was worried about how we would parent two little one's under a year old. I was worried about our finances. I finally gave it all up and as I laid in bed I prayed for peace and calmness. I don't even notice it, but I often rest my hands on my tummy. As I laid there, I felt a very strong kick! I almost didn't believe it. For the past couple weeks I have been feeling movement, like a goldfish in my tummy but nothing I could feel from outside. I almost didn't believe it, but then it happened again! It seriously stopped me in my tracks!

All day I have been trying to see if it would happen again. I was beginning to think it was a fluke but just a little bit ago, I felt another strong kick with my hand. It is pretty cool and exciting!!!

So pregnancy and adoption - very different, but the same. They both contain difficult moments. They both can be frustrating. They both have moments that will stop you dead in your tracks and in the end, they both produce the most amazing gift!!!

2 comments:

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

Love it :)

Maria Delgado said...

Thanks for writting this! So glad that you are feeling baby. :)