Still Processing

We've been home from Ethiopia for about 6 weeks now... and in all honesty we are still struggling. I think that is why I have had such a hard time even blogging since our return.  On the good side of things - We have both come home with a stronger fervor to maintain and grow our relationship with God then we have had in years.  We've developed a more intimate relationship with God together as a couple than we've ever been comfortable before. We've been more honest with our feelings and have allowed ourselves to be raw.  All this deep thinking, heart to heart talking has helped us become closer to each other than we've ever been before.  We're genuinely happy.  This trip was the catalyst to some much needed changes and actions on our part!  I never would have thought it would impact us this much.

And don't even get me started on the stirrings of our hearts.  The emotions still remain too raw.  The desires in our hearts still burning.  But how to turn this processing into action remains a bit tougher.

And even though there have been some very good things happen since our return, we have had a fair share of challenges too. The days have been hard.  I could count on maybe one hand the amount of days I have been "healthy".  I've had 3 colds, fevers, pain with running, severe back and neck pain.  I can't believe the amount of crazy.  We've had a lot of hard behavioral problems with the kids. The adoption has been stressful.  We've had a golden carrot dangled in front of us only to have it snatched away.  We've faced some very very hard, stressful and difficult days.

But we're hanging in there. We're not faltering. We're trusting God even when it is hard and trying to decipher what His will and plan for us is while hoping that things lighten up here in the days ahead.  Needless to say, our trip was life changing.  This trip and the things on our heart aren't fading as the weeks pile on.  I don't know what is going to happen now. I really wish I did.  So we remain in processing mode.  And that's why I've been a bit quiet.

The Swagger Wagon!

Well, I guess we joined the ranks of all the "cool kids" today and joined the "Swagger Wagon" Family.  Since our +5 will soon be a +6, my beloved jeep would no longer due. We've been trying to sell it for a few months now and this past week it sold leaving us with an immediate need for a new vehicle.

Can I just say, even as we are avid Dave Ramsey fans and have been debt free (mins a mortgage) for over a year now, the temptation still stood to get something "nicer" and go back into just a little bit of debt for a new car.  Now, I do think there are times that we are okay with taking a detour from "the plan".  I think we made the right choice to go on on the trip to Disneyland last summer to run the races even if it slowed us down a little bit on our goals. I think it is totally okay to take money out of our savings to help fund our adoption even if it means we will have to spend time going back and replenishing that afterwards.  However, in this specific instance I really just felt convicted that we needed to stick to our plan and pay cash. The problem was, we just weren't finding what we were looking for.  I was searching in a 500 mile radius of where we live and still not finding what we wanted. Everything that was nice and affordable seemed to have a bad title. Some models had poor reviews.  I was looking for a very specific car with a very specific price range and coming up totally empty.  This has been going on all week and I have spent far too many hours just trying to find anything that fit the bill.  One car is not really working all that well for us but we were willing to do what we had to. 

Then this little baby popped up on our radar just a short distance from home:

A few emails, Peter taking her for a quick test drive, a quick round of negotiating with pick up scheduled for tomorrow and boom. We're the (proud?!?) owners of the exact type of swagger wagon I wanted and best of all - paid for with cash (and some leftover to spare!).  I still will miss my jeep, but this ride with our family of 6 will be sweeeeeet!  

Snow Day

It has been a very busy month in the house, and now I am left with a little bit of blog catch up to do on the happenings.  Right around the same time as Eli's birthday we had the biggest snow storm for several years. Definitely the most snow the boys had ever played in!  

It was a fun little time to be snowed in and enjoy our little family. I would hate living somewhere with a lot of snow, but one good snow a year would be perfect for me. Unfortunately we only get a good snow about every 5 years.  But we all enjoyed it while it lasted! 

Why I love Valentine's Day!

There seems to be a growing number of love day haters these days.  Lots of people saying we shouldn't buy into this commercialized holiday.  I get it, but I still stand to say I love Valentine's Day!   I also love making my family feel special on their Birthday's.  I love seeing how the kids get excited over small, but special gestures on all the various holiday's. I love reminiscing over our love with my husband on our anniversary!   I love days that are a bit more special and different than than the norm. Some say that everyday we should express our love to those around us, and while that is true, I often fall short.

I don't necessarily think today is about the commercialized and store bought version of Valentine's Day.  I don't need those thing (although I do like my fair share of chocolate and flowers).  I love Valentine's Day because I have an extra opportunity and reminder to lavish love on my kids and husband!  

I have been so blessed with my little family!  Sometimes it is hard to believe that I've been blessed with this much joy!  My kids are incredible and mean the world to me!  I have the most hard working and selfless husband who I look forward to being with every day!  I have been blessed with the most wonderful gifts this world has to offer!  

So I look forward to today and the extra opportunity to express my love to my family.  They have added so much to my life and I would be empty without them.

Happy Valentine's Day. From my little loves to you! 

It's His Birthday Recap!

We sure do love Birthday's around here and we all look forward to celebrating the birthday boy or girl!  

Eli's actual birthday we were up bright and early to surprise him with birthday cake waffles for breakfast!  

 
Something Peter and I enjoy doing for the kids birthdays is to take just the out for their day and do something fun with them.  One on one time with the kids is hard to come by so it is something that is greatly enjoyed by all of us!

First stop after dropping brother and sister off at Grandma's for the day was to lunch! Eli loves his french fries and chicken!

What Eli really wanted to do was go to the zoo but since the weather was very cold he was willing to settle for a movie.  He was so excited to see some snow falling on his day!  

Then we settled in to see Frozen!  Daddy and Mommy were even pretty excited about this movie!

After the movie it was off to the big toy store where Eli got to pick out his birthday present. It was a bit overwhelming but our big 3 year old knew exactly what he wanted. We were so surprised that it was not in fact superheroes leaving with us but a pretty cool wooden train set!

We had a few more fun birthday surprises up our sleeves but our poor little birthday boy was all tuckered out after a day full of fun. He really just wanted to get home to play with his trains.  So, since it was his day, we obliged.  

The day after his birthday it was off to the doctor for his 3 year check up.  He's growing great and even a bit above average now!  37 1/2" tall and 32 lbs. Way to grow Eli!  All was great even if our little man did get stuck with a diagnosis for asthma.  We knew it was coming and hopefully he'll out grow it in a few years like his daddy did when he was little. 

After a few more days of waiting, our little spider man got to have his big boy party!  Now there are two things our little guy loves - Building things and Spiderman.  Up to about a month ago, this party was being planned as a construction party before our little boy informed us that he was going to be having a spiderman party.  Oookay then!  So Spiderman it was and I must say it turned out pretty good and Eli was in heaven!

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We got a little bit snowed in for our party, having the biggest snow fall for our area in several years. Unfortunately that meant that most party goer's couldn't make it but we still had a wonderful birthday party for our man!

My mom outdid herself yet again with the cake! 

Sabrina seemed like such a big girl just sitting in her chair watching big brother open his birthday presents!  All my kids are growing up far faster than I would like.

                                           Then it was time for some webbing fun!

                  And some birthday cake!  It was a fabulous party for a fabulous little boy!

He's 3!

Somewhere, in the busyness of life we're back to February 4th.  The day I gave birth to this little sweet guy 3 years ago.

Those first few hours of your life are forever ingrained into my mind.  The days were tense and scary. But you were a tough little cookie!

And now here you are 3 years old!  You've grown up so much lately and have left the baby days behind in favor of super heroes and "fixing" things around the house.  You are a big helper and love to be mommy's sidekick.

You're so stubborn at times that some would think you were born of two stubborn parents.  You have the cutest little scowl that as much as you wish we would, we just can't take serious!

 There just aren't words quite right to describe you.  But the word that comes to everyone's tongue is sweet!  You have the sweetest little giggle and smile.  You spend most of your time content to play quietly with cars, or rescue bots, or your numerous tools laying around the house.  And we just can't get over that adorable curly hair!

You absolutely love Spiderman and there's just no other way to put it but you love everything that is "all boy".  You love balls and sports and wrestling and dirt.  Throw in some action figures and cars and you are good to go!  It is so fun to watch your personality and likes and dislikes develop as you begin to become your own person!

We love you spiderman!  You've brought us so much joy and more snuggles than we can count!  We're very blessed to have you in our lives and know you were a precious miracle that God watched over and protected for us.  He must have some big plans for you!

Processing

Our journey home has been more challenging than I expected. We left Ethiopia at 10:30 at night and spent the next 18 hours on that one plane.  It was a very long journey just to get back in the states.  My mind wanted to start processing but I just couldn't allow myself to go there yet.  So, I responded with two sleeping pills and cranking my music as loud as I could.  This worked well until about 17 hours into the flight and my ipod died (sad when the flight outlasts the ipod).  After that flight, we ran through the DC airport to just barely catch our connection (Thank you United for holding that flight, because the jerky TSA agent at Customs was not sympathetic).  Flew 2 hours to Chicago where by the time we made it to the gate, it was already time to board and then spent what felt like an eternal 5 hours on that plane.  Exhausted was an understatement.  As excited as I was to return to my babies, I did not expect such sadness and grief to be back on American soil.  My soul longs to be back in Africa already.  I didn't expect to wake up to tears rolling down my cheeks my first morning back here or to look forward to being on my FB in the early morning or late evening hours because it explodes with messages from new friends I met in Ethiopia. I feel broken.  And I guess I am.  Broken because that is right where God wants me to be right now.

My feet left Ethiopian soil 1 week ago.  And I miss it.  I miss it so much and honestly, that wasn't supposed to happen.  The days leading up to our trip, I was just looking forward to going and getting it over with so I could come home and get back to my life without this trip looming over me.  But now I don't know how to get back to "normal" life.  I don't want to go back to normal life.  My heart longs to be walking back through the streets of Korah because no matter how disgusting it was, I have never felt closer to God.  I normally would have been terrified of all the disease and sickness around me and yet in those moments the only thing I cared about was meeting as many needs as we could and sharing Jesus with these people.  There is still much work to be done there.

I long to be back with the orphaned children who are the most incredible kids I have ever met.  Who just long for someone to connect with them and give them a little bit of special attention. I want them all to know they are loved. I want more time with them.

  I know some of these feelings are normal as we return to our life in America. But I know us well, and feelings like this demand change in our lives. We're talking about things that I never in a million years thought we would consider.  Nothing in this world feels better than living in the center of God's will for your life.  We could live the rest of our lives with general happiness regardless but more than anything we long to live in God's will.  We're trying to decipher what that is right now.  So we pray.  I'm just now starting to scratch the surface of processing this trip.  I was mentally and physically just too exhausted this first week back home.  It's still a difficult task for me and I have to just take baby steps forward.  My heart is heavy and I want to do so much more.  This trip really was just the beginning!