Life in the Cocoon and 2 months!!!

2 months ago today we got to hold our son for the first time! These monthly milestones seem huge for us. I can't wait until we pass that 4 month milestone and he has been with us longer then he was waiting for us.

2 months in to this thing called parenting, we are doing pretty good. We are still learning everyday. The past few weeks we have been much more intentional about sticking with the cocooning. It was very hard at first because so many people wanted to meet him and then hold him and we wanted out of the house! He was holding up pretty well, but lately we had noticed he had started struggling through these interactions.

He has always had a hard time with big crowds. We took him to church one week because everyone wanted to meet him, but he had a really hard time that afternoon settling down. Usually he goes to sleep easily, but if he is out in a big crowd (like at my cousin's bridal shower) he will cry for a long time before settling down. We even started noticing this behavior in smaller groups of 5 to 6 people. I hate that I went against my first instincts in the beginning and allowed other people and their eagerness to meet him to push me into going out. It especially bothers me that I have allowed other's to hold him. This is something that always bothers me, even if people only hold him briefly, it just hasn't felt right. I don't want to be overly protective of him, but all of these things can be very hard on the child when you are trying to form an initial bond with your adopted child.

A little over two weeks ago we noticed that he was starting to become very fearful and startled when out with others. He would cry easily at noises and while he has done that sometimes, this was starting to happen all the time. We also noticed that the days we spent at home, this wasn't happening at all. We made the decision then to stick closer to home and do what we felt was best for him. While sitting at home most of the time can get hard, Malachi's behavior is showing that this time is paying off.

I am a little concerned about next week. At the beginning of the year we booked a vacation because our referral was supposed to be coming and we figured we would have been home for several months by the time this vacation arrived. Well, the referral took longer than we were told to expect and then court took 5 attempts and everything got pushed back. Fortunately we have been home for 2 months, but I still worry about how he will do. I will just keep a close eye on his behavior and I can't do everything I would like to do on this trip anwyway, so Mal and I will take things slow.

So life inside the cocoon is going well. I do admit, in my selfishness I am looking forward to getting out of the cocoon for vacation, but sitting at home is worth it for our little guy. My day consists of nap schedule's, feedings, baths, playtime, diaper changes, all that baby stuff :)

And here's some pictures of our normal day to day happenings:

Comparison's

Experiencing a pregnancy right after completing an adoption leads me to comparing the two experiences. It is really cool to get to experience both "methods" of becoming parents. One of the biggest comparison's is definitely the timeline. Pregnancy is flying by and knowing that this baby will be born around early March is so much easier than having no clue of when your little one would be arriving home.

My love for both of my little one's was similar. From the moment we made the decision to adopt, I loved our little one. I carried them around in my heart everywhere. Same thing with this pregnancy. As unexpected and terrifying it was to see that positive line on the pregnancy test, I was happy and in love. Adoption was such an emotional journey. It was so difficult on a deep emotional level and just drained me. Pregnancy has been a very physical journey. I have not felt well in months, I am still constantly exhausted and waiting for that second trimester energy burst to arrive. I am so tired of just not feeling well, much like how I felt emotionally with the adoption.

The two journey's were so completely different, and yet similar and now, with both journey's I have experienced the moment that just stops you in your tracks.

With our adoption, I had lots of amazing moments (getting accepted, getting on the wait list, passing court and knowing he was legally ours) but the stop me in my tracks moment occurred when the call came. I was so depressed and so sooo tired of waiting. The day, May 4th that the call came I had spent my entire morning at work praying for that call to come. Specifically I prayed that it would happen between 11:00 and 11:15, while I was on lunch and Peter thought that would be the ideal time for him too. As I was on lunch, I was just praying, with my phone in my hand that the call would come. Miraculously at 11:10 my phone rang and it was our agency. I finally heard those amazing words "I have a little boy I would like to talk to you about!" and I was stopped in my tracks. It was a perfect moment in my life!

Yesterday I had that moment with this pregnancy. I was kind of in a panicked state of worry. I was worried about how I was going to handle this second part of pregnancy physically. I worry about how my back problems are going to handle this second part. I was worried about how we would parent two little one's under a year old. I was worried about our finances. I finally gave it all up and as I laid in bed I prayed for peace and calmness. I don't even notice it, but I often rest my hands on my tummy. As I laid there, I felt a very strong kick! I almost didn't believe it. For the past couple weeks I have been feeling movement, like a goldfish in my tummy but nothing I could feel from outside. I almost didn't believe it, but then it happened again! It seriously stopped me in my tracks!

All day I have been trying to see if it would happen again. I was beginning to think it was a fluke but just a little bit ago, I felt another strong kick with my hand. It is pretty cool and exciting!!!

So pregnancy and adoption - very different, but the same. They both contain difficult moments. They both can be frustrating. They both have moments that will stop you dead in your tracks and in the end, they both produce the most amazing gift!!!

The Fruit Loop

We have a yearly tradition every fall of heading to Hood River and enjoying the Fruit Loop. The fruit loop is a series of about 30 farms to walk through and buy fresh fruit and enjoy their fall festivities! This year was extra special as it was the first time we got to enjoy this tradition with a little one.

Farmer Mal

We brought home 27 lbs of my very favorite apple in the world - HoneyCrisp to make some applesauce! We love those fresh farm prices!!!

Overall, I think Malachi had a great day, although he was sick of the carseat by the time we got home and he was exhausted (as was I!) He went down around 6:00 at night and we tried to wake him up around 7:15 but he was very upset at us for doing that, so into his jammies he went and back to sleep-sleep land. He was out for 13 hours or so - a very tuckered out little boy for sure!!!

My Ornery Child!

Well little baby Keyser sure gave me the scare yesterday! Last week I was supposed to go in for my every 4 week OB appointment. My appointment got cancelled twice last week because my doctor was busy delivering babies! So I was rescheduled for this week.

So yesterday I went in for my appointment. I am just shy of 17 weeks. Right when I got there the doctor was running out to deliver a baby. They told me I could wait probably about 30 minutes or I could reschedule. I figured it would be easier just to wait. Well, 30 minutes turned in to 2 hours of waiting. My doctor felt so bad and kept apologizing. She said this was her 3rd delivery of the day and she had one more woman who was close to bring that number up to 4 for the day and she was already at 33 babies for the month! She was so tired and was just praying that no other woman would go in to labor that night.

So on to my visit: She brought in the doppler and started searching for the little baby's heartbeat. I expected that she would find it easily since 5 weeks ago she found it instantly. She searched and searched and searched. She made me cough several times but still just silence. I was starting to get nervous as I knew the silence was not a good sign. By almost 17 weeks, there should be no problem finding a heartbeat. She kept searching and was asking me if I was still experiencing any pregnancy symptoms. I knew why she was asking.

Finally she gave up on the doppler and said she would go get the ultrasound machine. I was really nervous at this point. I just couldn't imagine this was going to end well and I could tell the doctor was concerned. I had a flurry of thoughts while she was gone. She started with the ultrasound machine tilted away from me...... typical when there is concern. Finally she said "THAT is an ornery baby." She was surprised to see the baby in a really tight tucked ball with his/her head between their legs. She finally let me see the heart beating away. The baby finally untucked and started waving his/her hands above their head and the doctor was laughing because the baby was shaking their booty at us. I was so relieved and we were both laughing at how ornery this kid was. The doctor kept talking to the baby, explaining how tired she was and she did not need this little one being difficult and scaring us. She told me "I feel sorry for you. You have to raise this one." We were both very relieved.

This was the final shot we got of our ornery baby. His/her hands are above their head and s/he has their foot resting on their opposite knee in a totally relaxed state. I figured since Malachi is behaving so well that this one is bound to give us a hard time :) Bring it on!

Seriously though, I am so relieved that everything is okay. I am already so attached to this little one and thinking that this life was gone, even for a brief moment was really hard. While we were waiting for Malachi, I had to give all control over to God. I quickly realized that my children were God's and anytime I am given with them is completely up to God. I have had that same outlook with this pregnancy. At just 4 weeks pregnant, I was so nervous about the many things that could go wrong in the coming weeks. I gave this little one over at that time and decided I would enjoy everyday I was given with this little one, regardless of how long I had them.

Fortunately, this life is still with us and last night ended much better than it could have. I am so thankful for both of my little one's!

Daddy

I knew my husband would be a great Father, but how deep his love for Malachi is completely blows me away.

Something I admire about Peter is that he did not want to just settle and let me have my way when I wanted to start our family. He was honest with me that he just wasn't ready yet, and that he wanted to be "all in" when we had kids. So we waited, and he is definitely "all in"!

From the moment we started the adoption process, he has loved Malachi. Months before we even knew who our son would be, he loved him. All summer, as we waited for court dates and for travel approval, he was ready and antsy to get our boy home.

I honestly had no idea what to expect when we came home with Malachi. Peter had no experience with caring for a baby, but he jumped right in! He is a pro at feeding and changing diapers and rocking Mal to sleep. He has no problem letting me sleep in and caring for Malachi in the morning (when he isn't working). He can't wait to get Malachi in his arms after a long workday!

His patience, love and devotion for his son are truly special! Malachi loves his daddy so much! They definitely have a special Father-Son thing going on :) We have always had a good marriage but I had no idea that I could fall so much further in love with my husband watching him as a Father.

Happy 5 Month Birthday Malachi!

So........... I'm a day late, but Malachi is now 5 months old! He is such a blessing in our lives. To say this little man has captured our hearts is a huge understatement. He is such a sweetie!

Malachi has learned so many new tricks this months. He just figured out how to roll all over the place and now wants nothing to do with laying on his back. He is starting to sit up on his own. He has become very interactive with all of his toys and loves time in his exersaucer! We also discovered that this boy loves the swings at the park. He would swing for hours if we would let him!

He has much better sleep habits now. He takes 2 - 2 hour naps during the day (in his crib! Huge victory!) He also sleeps from about 9PM-5AM and then goes back to sleep from 5-9AM - All in his crib! He loves his crib! We are much happier with this sleep schedule!

He is also trying all sorts of new foods! He has tried apples and peaches and he loves sweet potatoes, but is not such a big fan of the peas.

He is 27" long (81st percentile) and 20 1/2 lbs (95th percentile). He is quickly filling out 12 month size clothes for length!

Happy 5 month birthday baby boy! We love you so very much!!!

A big month of changes

From this:

To this in one months time:

This has been a month full of changes and transitions for all 3 of us. Malachi has come so far and we have found some things that work well and some that don't.

The biggest physical changes for Malachi are that he is getting stronger every single day. When we met him a month ago today, he had no neck strength. His head was very wobbly. He has made huge leaps in strength. He can hold his head up for a very long time when on his tummy and is even starting to lift himself up on his hands. He also was unable to put weight on his legs for very long at all and now he can play in his exersaucer for an hour no problem. He has really started grasping and playing with his toys. He also has learned how to roll over from his tummy to his back, but he can't quite get that heavy bottom half of his body over to roll from his front to his back. He is also starting to be able to sit up, but not for long. I imagine within the next month he will be a pro at sitting up.

This month has been filled with changes to his sleep pattern. We are finally establishing a good schedule with him. We originally started with co-sleeping as recommended by our adoption agency. The problem with that, is that Malachi was used to being woken up in Ethiopia every 2 hours during the night for a bottle. Most of the babies in care are malnourished so I believe they do that to help them put on weight. Malachi was never malnourished so this was really unnecessary for him and was a huge pain those first few weeks home. He was getting to the point where he was waking almost hourly for an ounce or two and then would fall back asleep. I made the tough choice, against my husband's wishes to move him to the crib in his room. This has been a wonderful change and in just one weeks time Malachi now is only waking once a night for a bottle! He is also starting to take 2 good long naps during the day so we are definitely starting to figure a schedule out!

Malachi is also starting to eat some solids. We tried them a few weeks ago and he just didn't show a lot of interest. Now we have tried them out again and he is really taking to it. So far we have only tried cereal in the morning and some sweet potatoes around dinner time.

It has been a huge change for all of us, but overall I think the adjustment is going very well. We are finally getting in to a routine which has been wonderful and Malachi is changing so much on a daily basis. We definitely feel very blessed to finally have him home! We've waited a long time for this little guy :)