Wednesday, February 3, 2016

5 Years

It's near impossible to believe that 5 years have passed so quickly.  To think back to the day I found out this little man was on the way.  I was so tired, and just felt like something was off.  I took the test, left it sitting there and went and took a nap, I had never been so tired in my life.  To the second I thought my eyes were deceiving me when I saw a faint second line on the test. I couldn't hide the smile on my face, even though I had no idea how we were going to handle two kids within a year.  I was very grateful though.  To the 20 weeks of feeling just awful in the pregnancy and having to travel to Ethiopia at 10 weeks to bring big brother home.  To the first time I saw my little peanut's beating heart at 8 weeks to laughing on the ultrasound table at 21 weeks when we noticed he had his daddy's nose. 

I'll never forget that moment when I stood up at 9:30 PM on February 3rd and my water broke. The look in Peter's eyes when I told him that I thought my water just broke.  The frantic call to the doctor as I knew it was a little too soon and the sound of her voice when I reminded her how many weeks I was.  The hand off of sleepy little Malachi to my mom and the quick drive to the hospital as I began to panic and think that I just wasn't ready yet.  Literally walking to the maternity ward with a towel between my legs and the nurse asking if I was really sure my water broke. Um, yes!  Learning that just because your water breaks does not necessarily mean that contractions will start.  The pitocin drip 8 hours later.  Hard contractions quickly.  A perfect epidural.  Fast labor from there, the oxygen mask, 30 minutes of pushing and at 12;30 PM on February 4th my sweet little 5 pound 5 ounce baby boy entered the world.  

The memories of the room filling up with support staff, the doctor asking the pediatrician if I could hold him, the pediatrician saying if he was crying yes, the quick cord clamp and whisking away before I could even look at him.  How quickly they decided to take him down the hall.  Wanting to make sure Peter stayed with him at all times.  My amazing nurse wanting to get me in a wheelchair and to him as quick as possible.  Seeing him not doing great once I got down to him. Holding his tiny little hand.  Being informed that the hospital was going to transport him and trying to think clearly of which hospital would be the best for him.  Them telling me I needed to leave because they were going to do some sort of a procedure to him and they knew I was emotionally fragile.  The hospital just so happening to play the lullaby for his birth as I was being wheeled back to my room.  Trying to keep it all together and seeing the sympathy on all my nurses faces. 

The special NICU transport team arriving. Them bringing him in to see me before he left.  The mention of me being able to be discharged but my nurse speaking up for my best interest by saying she thought I should stay there and rest and get discharged in the morning.  Peter and Eli leaving and me being post partum, extremely emotional, and all alone.  A random drop in by a family friend who really helped cheer me up and take my mind off things.  Getting to spend some time with Malachi.  Updates that Eli was doing better at the NICU from Peter.  My in-laws bringing Peter back later in the evening.  Pure and utter exhaustion.

Leaving the hospital in a blur the next morning. The emotional aspect of walking out of the hospital without your baby.  Trying to walk through a big hospital to the NICU while still recovering.  Trying not to burst into tears when you see all the wires and cords on your baby.  The first time holding him after 24 hours and everything feeling right in the world again.  Him constantly setting off alarms that first day because he was breathing too fast.  Wanting to cry every time we said goodbye and had to leave him there. 

The steady progress, seeing him for the first time with no machines on his face.  Holding him without tubes.  Leaving the NICU and feeling terrified to bring a fragile baby home. Not wanting to share him with anybody because I felt so robbed his first week of life. Settling in with two baby boys.  Being an over protective mama bear.  Watching him grow perfectly that first year.  Seeing him develop and learning his personality. A super sweet, cuddly baby boy. Celebrating his first giraffe birthday!  

Year 2: Remembering how he always tried to keep up with his big brother. Becoming a big brother himself.  His obsession with all things "boy" particularly all sports that have a ball.  My easiest child to potty train.  A football 2nd birthday party!

Year 3: The year of loving all things super hero, particularly his man spider man. An incredible imagination emerging.  A shy, stubborn little boy but still a lot of sweetness in there too! 

Year 4: Really getting to see his stubborn side.  Very opinionated about life.  Obsessed with everything Lego and building.  Able to play really well by himself but never wants to be alone either.  

Super sweet and sensitive, still stubborn like his parents.  A thrill seeker, who loves knights and lego's and video games.  Loves to build things and shoot the bad guys.  Every moment is filled with imagination.  Hard to believe that 5 years have passed so quickly.  Seems like just yesterday he was my 5 pound baby boy!