30 Things - Post #2

To continue my posts to my children on 30 thing they should know about me:

Today we will ask the question - what are my 3 biggest fears and why do I fear them?

1) Spiders.  For sure - spiders make this list.  I hate spiders which is kind of funny because our first home was a condo where there were LOTS of bug nasty spiders who built lots of big webs and we had to weave our way down the stairs and out to my car at 5 in the morning trying to avoid those suckers. Then, when we bought this house it was in horrible condition and was infested with spiders.  It was straight out of a movie infested.  We would pull off floorboard and they would just scatter!  Same thing with our yard. Every step you would take would send tons of spiders fleeing for their lives.  I still don't know how I got over that fear and was able to remodel this house (although I am pretty sure we detonated like 9 bug bombs in the house before moving in!)  So yes, I am terrified of these tiny (although sometimes large) 8 legged creatures.  I refuse to move anywhere where the spiders get bigger than here!

2) Tornadoes.  If I have a bad dream, it is a pretty good guess that it will center around a tornado.  I don't know where my fear of this really comes from.  I remember when I was a little kid we had tornado warnings and there were like 3 tornadoes that touched down in our county.  Tornadoes here will do a little bit of damage but nothing significant.  However, I see pictures of my friends on FB who live where big tornadoes are prevalent and how they sleep in their bathtubs and such and there is just NO WAY I could do that. I also refuse to live anywhere where they have tornadoes.  I'll take the threat of the "big one earthquake" any day over a tornado scare!

3) Losing someone I love.  Now this is a big one for me.  I grew up in a household that suffered a major loss and I learned at a young age that those you love can be gone in an instant.  It took me a very long time to be able to allow myself to take the risk of loving others because I didn't want to deal with the pain if I lost them. Now I have a husband who I just don't know how I could go on with life if I were to lose him.  I have you, my 3 precious children (and more of you someday who are unaccounted for at the time of this post) and I just cannot fathom losing any of you. I prayed so much for you Malachi and felt so hopeless as we waited half a world away for you to come home.  Eli and Sabrina, from the second I knew I was carrying you  I prayed diligently that God would protect you through that scary first trimester. I have prayed constantly for a hedge of protection around all of you. Loving and possibly losing is scary, but it is worth the risk.