72 Hours

On the way up to the hospital last night Peter and I were discussing all of the difficult things we have gone through in these first 4 years of marriage. We have dealt with a husband in college, some health problems, a job layoff, an adoption process, and now this. We also discussed how thankful we were for the life experiences we have not had to endure - miscarriage, death of a child, huge medical issues with a child. Thankfully every difficult thing we have gone through has brought us closer together as a couple and this situation is no different.

Anyway, this is definitely up there in painful times. The only pain I can even try and compare this to is the pain I felt when we were having delays in the adoption process near the end when we were just dying to get Malachi home.

So anyway, on to what has taken place in these first 72 hours of Eli's life:

While I was in labor, we had gone through the possible scenario's of what would or could happen with delivering a baby at 36 weeks. The hospital I delivered at is not prepared to keep little ones who need some extra health attention after birth but with my water broke there was no option but to deliver and pray for the best. The hospital said that it really could go either way that he might do fine or he might have to go to a NICU. We also had the gestational diabetes to worry about as the lungs mature even slower in babies with gestational diabetes.

Right after Elias was born they whisked him away. It was so not the moment I was hoping for, but his health was all that mattered. The pediatrician and respiratory specialist worked with him for a good 20 minutes or so in the room before they decided to take him into another room because he was really struggling to breathe on his own. They said they would continue to assess him and try to get him breathing on his own for a few hours before making the call to transport him.

Peter went down the hall with Eli and so there I was kind of all alone, wondering about my baby. It was a very difficult situation for me to be in, but the nurses were all so great and understanding. Peter and the nurses with Eli did their best to keep me posted on what was happening. Unfortunately the reports were not that good. He was really struggling.

As soon as I could put a little weight on my wobbly legs they were able to wheel me down to see him. I only got to spend about 10 minutes with him and it was so hard for me to see him like that. He was supposed to be in my arms and we were supposed to be happy and celebrating but instead all I could do was hold his hand. At this point, we knew he would need transported. They were trying to figure out what hospital had room for him and get the transport team on the way. My nurse asked if they could take the oxygen off for a second so I could have a picture of his face but the respiratory specialist said they couldn't. I really was okay with that since all I cared about was his health but it was just so hard knowing he was going to have to leave.

I got settled back in my room. I was tired and they were really pushing me to eat something. I knew I needed to take care of myself but all I could think about was Eli. I was told that the transport team had arrived and it could take a few hours for them to stabilize him enough to leave. Peter didn't tell me this until later, but when they were working on him, he said blood squirted out and he had no idea what was going on - apparently Eli was working so hard trying to breathe that it was causing his lung to bleed. The transport team gave him some medication that it sounds like was really the turning point for Elias.

Before they left with him, they brought him by my room. His color was already so much better and he finally looked relaxed. Still, even though I knew he needed to go it was so hard to say goodbye to him.

I knew I would be discharged first thing in the morning and would be able to go be with him. So Peter and Eli were off to the big hospital while I stayed behind and worked on recovering. I did have a few visitors stop by to help take my mind off things and the nurses were really trying to occupy me and make me feel better. It was really great to see Malachi too, even if he wouldn't sit still :)

After a few hours Peter returned for the night. He said that Eli was doing better and that they were predicting a 5-14 day stay in the NICU. This is not what I wanted to here, but it was reality and I just wanted him to be okay. My doctor gave me a sleeping pill so I could rest through the night and I did okay knowing that Elias was where he needed to be and getting the help he needed.

Night one in the NICU on the breathing tube:

The next day we did all the things that needed to be done to be discharged. I got my lectures that I needed to take it easy - blah blah blah :) We went home and got cleaned up and were off to see our little boy. In the night they had taken him off the breathing tube and put him on a nasal one. They said he did not like the breathing tube down his throat. I don't know how you can prepare yourself to walk into a room and see your child hooked up like this, but after being around it for two days it really isn't as bad of a set up as it looks.

I was finally able to look at and touch my baby. 24 hours doesn't seem like a long time, but believe me it was long enough! Although, I still wasn't able to get a good look at his face. I was able to change his diaper and they inserted a feeding tube while we were there. Up to this point, he had just been on IV fluids. They also started him on what they call "oral care" which is basically a syringe full of milk in his mouth while they do the actual feed in the feeding tube. I was able to give him his first syringe full of food and boy did he like it!

I also got to hold him for the first time! While he is on the C-pap machine, it is quite the ordeal to get him into a position to hold him. They have to call over a respiratory therapist and it takes them and a nurse to actually make the transport over. But it is so worth all the work. He slept for a couple hours while I held him! He was still struggling to breathe though. He was taking about 90 breathes a minute which means he was still working pretty hard at it. When he got over a 100 breathes per minute, it would set off an alarm. As you sit in the NICU you hear these alarms quite often from all the different babies. It is a sound I do not like to hear. But cuddling with him was pure joy!

We did eventually have to leave and it was and is still hard to leave him. It is just unnatural to leave your child behind.

We made two trips up to see him yesterday. During the night they tried to lower the pressure on the C-Pap but he didn't handle it well so they turned it back up. When we got there he was under the lights. It was no surprise that he was jaundice. Now he will be constantly under the lights when he is not being held by us.

We spent several hours in the morning with him. I held him for 3 hours. The nurses said he cries a lot which he did show off for us. It seemed anytime someone touched him or moved him, he cried. He is also really feisty with them and flails his arms and grabs on to the tubes. They think he is going to be a handful - bring it on :)

After being there for several hours, we drove home and I got some rest. I really am trying to follow orders and take it easy. In the evening we went and spent time with Malachi - man he looks like he has grown and he is so close to taking off walking!

We went back up to the NICU and got an update on him. He was doing really good. He was down to 40-50 breathes per minute which is normal and he was taking more food. Not only do we have to get those lungs working, but he also has to be eating and keeping food down before he can come home. He needs to be close to eating 2 ounces at a time and last night he was at a half ounce in the tube so we are slowly getting there.

It was a special treat tonight because they took him off all the tubes to weigh him (5 lbs 3 ounces) and clean him up and suction out his nose. He did not appreciate this time too much, but I sure did as I was finally able to see my precious little guys face!

After he got all put back together they let me hold him again! This time we tried him swaddled. They weren't sure how he would handle it but he did great and I got in another hour or so of snuggles. While I was holding him, they lowered the pressure on the C-Pap (they had tried the night before but he couldn't handle it). This time, he did great!!!

Then it was time to go home and get some rest.

This morning I got a call from the doctor. I was surprised to hear him say that they were going to try him off the C-Pap and see if he can handle it. He said they could have to put him back on it, so don't get my hopes too high, but they want to give him an opportunity to at least try it. They have been very aggressive with his treatment and are doing their best to get him home asap! The doctor said even if he has to back on C-PAP they will continue to try and lower the pressure today and would try him off of it again tomorrow morning - so we really are making progress! They are also increasing his feedings to 3/4 ounce so that is great news too.

This NICU stuff is not for the faint of heart. It is a constant battle of the emotions and full of highs and lows. We really can't wait to get him home and get Malachi back home and start our life as a family of 4!!!

I have to take a second to brag on Peter. He has been incredible through this whole thing. I have seriously lost my mind since Friday and am so tired that I just can't think straight. Peter's name means "rock" and he has definitely been that for me. He knows all the medical names for the treatments and understand exactly what they are doing to Eli. He knows what medications Eli is on, and he knows when I need my next dose of meds. He also reminds me that certain meds I need to eat food with (at 2 in the morning, I just am not paying attention) and gets me something. He is running on fumes too, but is still always willing to get me the things I need. He is also constantly thinking about Malachi and tries to spend every spare moment with him. Saturday night, I was so tired and in pain so he tucked me in and then headed over to my parents house to spend time with Malachi - he has been incredible through this whole thing