Monday, July 20, 2009

God's plans becoming ours

If you haven't heard yet - we are beginning the process of adopting from Ethiopia! We are so excited to be on this journey! God has faithfully brought his plan for our family into view and we are being obedient to make that happen.

I have always had a heart for adoption and Peter has always been very open to that plan. I have always wanted to have biological children - don't get me wrong but I have also always had a hard time thinking about bringing children into a world with so many orphans.

So I figured I would leave the decision up to God! We have always prayed that God would tell us if he wanted us to adopt. We have always had a feeling that someday he would tell us it was time, not expecting it to be for several more years. Lately God has been nudging me a little more and I have been trying to rationalize that this is not a good time. We are working hard to complete our debt snowball and OUR PLAN was that I would get pregnant and we would work really hard on paying off debt while I was pregnant and we would be set! GOD'S PLAN was not quite that comfortable - if we had to save up $30,000 to just get the baby - there go my hopes of paying off debt so I can stay home and there goes my new fence and splurged vacations. So I pushed it out of my mind basically saying if God wanted it to be - then he would have to speak a little louder!

Ignoring God - yeah that works..............

So then I kept telling God that even if I agreed to it he would NEVER get Peter to agree to adopting right now. No way my husband would spend the money on that right now - we are just plain not ready!

Then came last Sunday. I've still been thinking a lot about adoption but something happened during church that changed everything. The pastor was talking about how much his heart has been hurting for the people of this world and how he was feeling God's pain for this world. I began to wonder how that would feel............... and in that moment I just knew right then that we were meant to adopt soon. During the service I got emotional and anyone who knows me knows that I HATE being emotional around others. Little did I know what my husband sitting next to me was thinking. I have no idea why I was on the verge of tears except that at that moment I was giving up my hopes and plans for God's plans. Peter and I have wanted to have a baby for a long time now and I had to give up my plan and pursue God's. The sadness went away quickly and since then I have been thrilled about God's plan!!!

We left church and I was thinking about how hard it would be to get Peter on board. I don't remember if we were at home or still in the car but I just went for it and told him that I thought it was time to adopt. His response "sure". What? Did he just say what I thought he said? I didn't think he was serious but he was! Little did I know that while God was revealing his plan to me in church he was telling Peter to listen and trust ME!!! God's perfect plan - of course if he told me it was time to adopt he wouldn't overlook my husband!

So we started on the research, and trying to find an agency, and all that technical stuff. We are still really nervous about the money but God has told us he will provide abundantly if we would just take the first step. I don't know how I am going to be able to stay at home when the baby gets here - but God does! All these "things" (new fence, expensive vacations, etc) in life that I thought were really important to me a week ago were so easy to give up when my focus was on the right place.

I have seen a huge transformation in both of our hearts in the past week. We are both completely in love with a baby that we haven't met yet. The emotions we already feel about this little one are so intense and strong - it is already amazing us! I feel so much pain for the mother out there that is going to have to give the biggest sacrifice so our dream can come true. I pray for her constantly. The agency is going to do everything in their power to introduce us to her and get pictures of us for her and pictures of her for the baby - and that way she can say goodbye to the baby. I don't even want to think about how hard that moment will be.

I already dream about this baby - its little giggle, rocking it to sleep, going to baseball games, watching it run through the sprinklers, taking it to Disneyland with us! I wonder if we will get a boy or girl, and what it will look like. Ugh - it's going to be a long process and I gotta be patient. All in God's timing - not mine :)