Monday, July 17, 2017

Reconciling Disappointments

2016 was a hard year.  I entered 2017 very hopeful that this year would be better, much better.  I remember having a heart to heart with God as 2017 started.  Peter and I are both extremely goal oriented and love to strive towards our goals.  I remember approaching this question.  What are some things that seem humanly impossible, but with God could happen this year?  I remember quickly  jotting down some high hopes. I knew they were things He could accomplish in our lives.  I really hoped he would.

Here we are 7 months into this year, and my hopes and dreams have not gone quite as expected.  In fact most have ended in pretty big disappointment.  Typically when I lay my requests before God, I end that prayer with "not my will but yours be done."  I've tried in my heart to truly believe those words,  but as more time passes and it seems my requests have been ignored, I've began to see that maybe I haven't really meant that part of the prayer.

It has grown heavy on my heart, but this past week or so the theme of articles and Bible study and even our church sermon have been so applicable to this part of my life.  Do I want to settle for my desires or do I want to trust God that his way and his plans are better than mine? God has never let me down and yet I still have moments where I doubt Him.  Through and through, there are times He gives me the very thing I desired. But even when His plan doesn't look the way mine did, His way was better.  So why do I doubt his plan for my life this year?

It's funny the amount of time we spend stressing about things. It seriously can make us goal oriented folks crazy. I just wish I came to the conclusion earlier that I don't need to stress. I remember the books awhile back Don't Sweat The Small Stuff And It's All Small Stuff.  I spend so much time stressing about that worst case scenario, and then when the worst case happens (as it has seemed to do often lately) guess what?  We come out on the other side just fine.  It's okay when things don't go my way.

I've learned a lot of lessons, it may take me some time unfortunately as I am a wee bit stubborn, but nonetheless lessons are being learned.  I have learned I need to be content where we are in life.  I need to stop focusing so much on my life goals and enjoy this journey and where we are in this moment.  I need always remember to count my blessings.  Nothing beats disappointment down faster than praising God for all the blessings He has given and He has provided for in my life.  It keeps it all in real perspective.  I need to remember how good we have it.

I have no idea what the remainder of 2017 holds for us.  I've finally come to realize that God doesn't owe me anything. He doesn't have to make a single one of MY dreams for the year come true.  My goal is to praise Him and draw closer to Him no matter whether the remainder holds valleys or mountain tops.  I trust Him.  I know that through Him, whenever the time is just right, whatever He has for us is going to be good! He gives good gifts.  Even when I can't see what lies ahead, He reminds me "Be still and know."  So I will continue to strive to be better. Be better at being still and waiting. Not letting my mind wander but keep my eyes focused right on Him no matter what my greatest fears may be.  He is always good.


S said...

I'm sorry that your hopes and dreams for this year have not come to fruition. That is difficult.