Scattered

Waiting is no fun. Seriously, it isn't. It just seems like everything in life right now is one big waiting game. I sit here holding my breath and anticipating so much.

Where to begin:

The biggest thing we're waiting for right now is the call. Oh how I LONG to see Dash's face. I had a dream the other night about "the call" and let me tell you - it was amazing! Right now we are waiting to see if we will have to make one trip or two trips. That is a bit stressful. We are literally probably down to the last 4 days possible of getting in before the cut off. Not a fun place to be - wondering if we will be having to come up with another trip worth of funds. Waiting to see if we will be traveling in less then a month or if we still have a few months. Waiting to have that final discussion of whether I will stay in country with our baby or not. So much to be waiting on.....

and it doesn't end there. With our decision to adopt again we are left with so much more to wait for. The biggest thing we're waiting for right now is money. I hate waiting on money. Money is sooooo stressful. I hate that instead of focusing on our kids, we're left focusing on the money it is going to take to even get them home :(

Ideally, we hope to start adoption #2 in July. Right now the process is moving so fast. Like baby Chip would be home by winter - quick! So that means we need a lot of money in a really short amount of time.

So we did what we did last time

We cleared out any extra money we had laying around, but there wasn't much.

We've gone through our budget and tried to cut out more, except we butchered that budget last year and we don't have all that much that we can remove.

We brainstormed for secret savings accounts - oh wait, we found and depleted those for adoption #1.

We considered selling the car. That just isn't a sound decision right now, no matter how hard we try. We wouldn't get a very good deal on a trade-in.

So we wait, with hands open. I hate begging for money :(

But these are my kids. But these are my kids. I already love them so much and we're going to do whatever it takes to get them home.

We're worn out. Adoption is emotionally exhausting and I am so ready to be done! We're so over this process and so over trying to fund raise and yet we're being called to adopt again. I am really looking forward to having to little one's who call me mommy and already love them dearly, but I am tired. Emotionally I just don't feel strong enough to do this again right now, but I must. My kids are out there, in this world right now. I can feel it. That is why there is such urgency with both adoptions. They could be malnourished, they could be scared, and their future is bleak as orphans. They need a mommy and daddy to love them and we already do!