Digesting the changes

I'm still working on digesting the most recent news out of Ethiopia. Today we found out that we will have to go to Ethiopia - twice, and soon. We are now being required to go over there and meet our little one and sign a form stating we want to continue with the adoption. Then we'll have to go back again after we pass court for the Embassy appointment. Fortunately at that time we will come home for good with our little one.

What were we thinking? We knew the risks with International adoption and we still signed on? Why did we sign up for this roller coaster ride? Why would someone who doesn't enjoy flying sign up for this? Is it worth the cost and this emotional struggle?

My answer? Yes! Through all of these unknowns - the answer is yes. Is it worth all this frustration? Yes. I know without a doubt that the day I finally get my child put in my arms forever it will all be worth it. Everything will be worth it. We are right where God wants us to be. Knowing you are in the center of God's will makes everything worth it!

We need money. We need a lot more money to complete this process. God knows this need. While we are stressed about it, we will not let it hold us back. We know God will provide every dollar we need. Money is no object for our Master! So we proceed, we pray, and we trust that somehow the money will be there.

We need more time off. Neither one of us has the vacation time to take two trips to Ethiopia. But we know it will be okay. Even if I have to take time as no-pay it will be okay. Even if Peter has to take a cut to his Paternity leave, it's okay. We'll deal with it because this is for our child. Our child is way more important then our jobs will ever be!

I don't like to fly. Seriously, flying across the country is more than enough for me. It hurts my back. I get bored and sick feeling, and claustrophobic. But this is what God wants me to do. He wants me to get on a plane and fly (TWICE!) to meet my little one. I would cross the oceans (TWICE!) to be with him. I will do whatever is asked of me to bring my son home. We will not stop!!! I will endure hours of back pain, jet lag, boredom, nausea, (TWICE!) to bring him home.

I will continue on this emotional journey. Right now, even thinking about meeting my son makes me so excited. Getting him in my arms months before I otherwise would just makes me smile. But at the same time I can smile through tears because he has to stay behind. Peter and I had discussed this before and I told him, if we ever had to travel for court I am not coming home without him. I will stay as long as I have to after he is legally mine. But this situation is different. He will not legally be ours when we come home. We have no choice but to come home without him. This is going to break our hearts and we both know it. I just cannot imagine having to leave him behind. But I will do it! I will leave, and I will cry. I will stare at our pictures for months and I will return (on a jet plane) to bring him home for good!

This is so hard to deal with. I trust God. We did not sign up for something easy. We knew this would be a difficult path and we trusted that God would help us through anything and everything. So we wait and anticipate the rest of this journey. We are ready for the good and the bad days that lay before us.