Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Fears, Worries, Doubts.

So I had shared awhile back about how we felt like satan was attacking our marriage (due to our decision to adopt) and not really causing problems but just causing more stress and tension in our relationship than we are used to. We started putting more effort into our relationship and creating quality time together and being more patient with one another and things are happily back to normal :)

I am a born worrier but lately I feel like this is satan's new and improved tactic at messing with my brain :) I really enjoy the holiday's and I enjoy buying gifts for people but it always seems like "Murphy" hits around this time of year and this year is no exception. So worrying about the holidays plus worrying about ALL the things we need to buy for a baby plus worrying about how in the world we're going to pay for the rest of this adoption - makes for way too much worrying.

Work has sucked lately and I just can't wait to be done. Then that adds a whole other sense of worry to life. I am excited to stay home, but I worry about that. Losing my income is not going to be easy and will definitely be an adjustment. I need to figure out some plan to supplement at least half of my income and that is scary. What if I can't do it?

Then I get to the point that I worry about our Dave Ramsey plan and I have this car payment and a ton of money in something wonderful called College Loans. When will we pay these off?

See how my mind goes from something simple and easy like affording Christmas this year to the weight of the world on my shoulders?

I know that I am not supposed to worry about anything and God is constantly reminding me of that but sometimes I just can't help it. I hear time and time again from God "Trust Me" "Give me control" but I am a woman - I trust no one (although I do trust Peter completely, but struggle with trusting God - hmmm, somethings wrong with that, I know) and I must control everything.

In fun stuff: I joined this awesome website that basically connects you with companies who want you to throw a party with your friends and family using their products and thus advertising for them. So far I have not been picked for any of these parties but I will keep trying :) Something cool though is that one of their companies (shutterfly) just offered a deal to the first so many people giving them a free photo book! You get to customize the book with your photos and captions and they put it in a neatly bound book and mail it to you. So I hurried up and responded and got myself a free photo book on the way! Whoohoo! I love free stuff :)

Also since getting the dossier out of our house I imagine that packet of paperwork has gone on quite the journey and has seen wonderful places :) From our home, to our agency, and I imagine now that it is either on its way or in Washington D.C. right now. The next step for our paperwork is authentication which takes place at the White House and includes our very own Secretary of State Hillary Clinton signing it. How special ;) From there it comes back to Portland and then it takes the long journey to Addis Ababa Ethiopia where the Ministry of Women's Affairs will review it and someday it will meet up with our precious child and his birth mother in a court room where our baby will officially become a Keyser! What a journey that paperwork will take and hopefully it won't get lost on its journey.