Thursday, March 26, 2009

He gives and takes away

Well, sometimes my life Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

CHORUS: So hold me Jesus,
'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

CHORUS So hold me Jesus,
'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band Is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so small
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

This is a post that I have been dreading to make but I know it is necessary. It amazes me how easy it is to talk about the hard stuff on a personal blog but not on the blog that our close friends and family read. I am going to be EXTREMELY vulnerable here so if you don't want to read about really personal struggles then I recommend to stop reading now. I don't want to have a poor me attitude through all of this but I prefer to ask for prayer and also explain a few of the ways God has brought us to where we are now.

Lets start with the bomb - Peter was laid off last week. It is still not a fun or easy thing to talk about. Sometimes we are still shocked by the whole thing because accounting is supposed to be "safe" through this economy. It was a really tough break and we are honestly wondering where God is leading us now. Let me give you some of the back story bringing us to where we are now:

For years we have talked about how blessed we are and how easy we have it. We really do feel that God has given us better luck then most people and we haven't taken it for granted. We also knew that at some point in time the bottom would fall out and last week it did.

This has obviously thrown off some of our plans, some very big plans. Lets just say we have "wanted" a family for a very long time now and God not granting that wish has been at times difficult. We have trusted God through it all and we have known that God had a reason for it and now he has revealed that too us. Can't imagine how we would be feeling right now if I were say 7 months pregnant and dealing with an unemployed husband and a wife who does not want to go back to work. God knew what we needed, we didn't.

Three months ago we also began doing Dave Ramsey's program and got our finances in order. We have paid off a considerable amount of money and we also now know where every single dollar is going. Unfortunately we will not be paying off any debt for awhile, but we at least know that there are lots of areas that we can save more money.

Through the past week I have learned some valuable lessons - one of which is that I really want to wait until we have all of our debt paid off before having any children. As badly as I want to have kids I do not want to put this much of a financial burden on my husband when he is the sole provider. If I were pregnant right now, I would have to go back to work and I can't even imagine how I would be feeling then. We've had a "plan" for so long now and watching it dissolve is not easy but I know it is for the best and we will be happier in the end. I have to be patient. I have to do what is best for our family. We have a long way to go with our debt, but we are also working so hard on this that we will succeed sooner rather then later. So any of you hoping for a little Keyser baby will have to be patient with me on this one for quite awhile longer.

We are trying our best to trust God in all of this. Peter has turned in tons of applications and we do trust that God has his plan no matter how different it is then what ours is. This is a very tough economy to be job hunting and that can be a real emotional downer. He is on the top of the list at three accounting firms but they have no idea when they will have an opening or even they themselves laying employees off. He has a lead with a very large company in the area but they won't be hiring until May so if that is what God wants then we will be waiting awhile. His other lead right now is for a position with KPMG in Canada. He had a phone interview for that position yesterday. That position is a long shot and would be a huge life adjustment but it would really be an adventure for us! We were actually very surprised that they called him the day after applying to interview him but we don't anticipate hearing back from them again for awhile. we know if God wants us in Canada then we are going and it would be a scary, yet exciting journey for us! In the meantime Peter is studying and trying to complete his final two CPA exams.

Please keep us in your prayers. This is a real trying time for us and while we know God is in control and that there are so many people with the same burden we are carrying right now - it is still difficult. We know we will grow from this and be stronger and better because of it, but it is not fun in the midst of the storm. We will continue to praise Him in the storm.............