Monday, June 10, 2019

Letters To My Baby - First Trimester

Last pregnancy I made a little scrapbook, week by week to keep track of all the memories. This time I thought it might be fun to write a tiny little letter to the baby week by week.

Week 3:
Hello little baby in there! I can't even believe our dream has come true and you are on your way! We have wanted you for so very long and the only emotion we can feel is joy in knowing that you are in there and starting to grow! I can't even tell you how head over heels in love we are with you from the very first moment we knew you existed! Because of the circumstances of last year, I keep testing to make sure that line keeps getting darker, but it certainly seems you are doing your best to stick around in there and we are hopeful! We can't wait to meet you and know you! Stay strong and keep growing little one!

Week 4:
Hello in there Baby Smalls!  Your Daddy and I have been trying to come up with a nickname for you. We almost named you Butterball because we expect you to arrive right around Thanksgiving, but I was so tired one day this week and kept yawning and as I struggled to stay awake I said "You're killin me Smalls."  And thus your nickname was born! The last several days have passed so very slowly as we bask in the excitement of knowing you exist. It is still very much a secret to the world but your Dad and I are thrilled beyond belief! Your siblings talk about another baby all the time and while we are going to wait a bit longer before telling them, we can't wait to let them know that you'll be joining our big crazy family! You are already growing and changing so much as your body and organs begin to form, it is such a fascinating process and a miracle in the making! This week you have made me a bit more tired than normal and queasy here and there but so far we are trucking through this pretty well together! This week I called to schedule my first appointment and our doctor actually answered the phone and was excited and shocked to find we would be traveling this journey all together again! It is getting more real every day that passes!

Week 5:
Another week down, they sure seem to be moving slow right now! So far things with you seem to be moving at about the same pace symptom wise as they did with your brother and sister. I am queasy in the evening hours (which is kind of new), tired almost every moment of the day, and well, sore in other places that is it common to be sore in during early pregnancy.  Every single moment of all these early yucky symptoms is so worth it to know you are growing big and strong in there. My app tells me that you are the size of an apple seed right now, definitely growing pretty fast in there if you ask me! I also read that you already have a beating heart which I think is pretty darn amazing!  Keep up the good work in there!

Week 6:
Hello in there baby! This week was a special week because we got to see perfect little you! I went to the doctor for initial bloodwork to make sure my body is doing everything it can to keep you healthy. I mentioned some sharp cramping I was having on my right side, assuming that I would be told that is normal as things grow and change, but my doctor is amazing and wanted to make sure we were both safe so she had me to some more bloodwork to make sure my hormones were increasing as they should and also wanted me to do an ultrasound as soon as possible. So early the next morning your Daddy and I were off to the hospital to see if you were okay. I was of course nervous because the first ultrasound is where we truly know whether things are okay. At first the tech couldn't find you and said I was very early, all we could see was the gestational sac and yolk sac. But later on after checking ovaries, there you were! You are so sooo tiny but seeing you and that tiny little new heart beating away melted me! How something so very tiny has such a strong hearbeat already is just incredible! I am so glad you are okay and as far as the pain goes, I apparently have a decent size cyst left over in my right ovary from when you were released! Seeing that glimpse of you makes all my grievances - the fatigue and the really bad nausea so worth it! The nausea has kicked in to high gear these last 3 days - yuck! I think God gives us women an amazing lack of memory because while I remember being sick and knew it was not fun, I just didn't remember quite how miserable it really was, but it's all worth it! Right now pretty much everything is a food aversion except for fruits, so I am eating what I can when it sounds good.  You are the size of a sweet pea this week and your ears, eyes, and mouth have began to form! Pretty cool!

Week 7:
Fortunately this week I feel like the nausea has let up a little bit. Don't get me wrong, I still feel sick but I can at least find some relief this week. It leads me to believe that maybe my hunch of you being a boy might just be correct because this is more similar to how I felt with your big brother! The highlight of this week is that we got our dating ultrasound so I got another sweet glimpse of you! I'd stare at you all day if I could! You've grown so much in 9 days - good job! This week it didn't take more than a second to see your tiny little body pop up on the ultrasound screen and a very clear heartbeat booming away! The tech said it was in the 140's so yet another confirmation that you might be a boy! And just for fun, I have a silly theory about where baby sits in the gestational sac. You see, your big brother in his ultrasound debut was way over on the lower right hand side of his sac, and your big sister was way up high in the left hand side of hers. You, my dear are sitting down on the right hand side! So needless to say, I have my hunches about what I think you are, but nothing is for sure and maybe you'll surprise me!  It was such a relief to see you again and know little blueberry size you is doing so well in there! Another highlight is that over the Easter weekend we told the kids that you are on the way! I don't think there could be more excited big siblings in the entire world! They love to talk about you and try to name you and guess if you are a brother or sister. They cannot wait to meet you and hold you!  We are all so excited that you are part of our family!


Week 8:
Hi baby! This week you took your very first of many trips to Disneyland in your lifetime.  It was a bit of a rough trip for mom as I couldn't do any of the "fun" rides with your big siblings and I spent a lot of time just sitting around and feeling pretty gross. But we made it through. The last couple days of the trip were really hard. I have been impressed thus far at how I haven't felt as exhausted as I remember the other pregnancies being, but the exhaustion has definitely caught up with me now and I am so tired. I also think when I get tired, the nausea gets worse! In exciting news for you this week, you are getting bones and are about an inch long! Keep growing in there baby smalls!


Week 9:
Whew, you got me waving the white flag this week! Mama has not felt good AT ALL!  I was hoping that things would be improving by now but I am having to take it day by day and I admit, it has gotten rough! Your big siblings keep me moving and I've had to call in for lots of extra help this week because I've barely been able to scrape myself off the couch or out of bed.  I am so tired and so sick! I know you will be worth every single sick moment and I just have to keep my eyes on the prize! Another exciting moment for me this week is that I found your little heartbeat at home on a doppler! I won't use it all the time but it is reassuring to get to hear it once or twice a week and know you seem to be well in there! It was in the 170's so I guess between the sickness and the higher heart rate I'm having my first week of thinking you might be a girl. So what is happening in your little world? From what I read you are looking like a real baby this week with arms legs fingers toes - go smalls!


Week 10:
Congrats little one on your graduation from "embryo" to "fetus"!  You really look baby like now. It is amazing to think that so many of your organs are in place and functioning already in just 10 short weeks since you were nothing but a developing egg. God is so amazing in what he can do so quickly in there!  We are so blessed to have you in our lives! The start of week 10 has been rough but as the week went on I started feeling more and more human! Yay, I can see the end of trimster 1 coming! This week you are getting finger nails - say what?  Finger nails already!!!

Week 11:
Another week down. I was hoping the symptoms would start decreasing this week but so far I am still sick and very tired. It can get you down after awhile for sure.  The best part of this week was going to the doctor and hearing your heartbeat! The doctor said you are a very good baby :)  She asked if I had a guess on if you were a boy or girl, I said boy. I then asked her what she thought because she guessed correctly what your sister was at my 12 week appointment just by listening to the heartbeat.  She wouldn't say for sure that she was thinking girl, but she did mention that your heartrate was still pretty high up in the 170s!  The only downer is that my blood pressure was a bit high so I need to keep an eye on that and rest up. I am hoping once I am feeling better that the blood pressure will become more cooperative!  What is happening with you?  Your liver, spleen and kidneys are working and you are over 2" long!  Grow baby grow!

Week 12:
The last week of our first trimester together! Look at us go (and grow!)  This is a secret that your Daddy says we can no longer keep.  The bump apparently grows much faster this 3rd time around! This is the week we started letting the rest of the world find out about little ole you and everyone is excited! You are a true blessing! As we wrap up this trimester, I really REALLY hope that I begin to feel better soon. I felt better last pregnancy by this point so I am getting a bit defeated that I still am not feeling well. Its gotta end eventually right?  My app says that this week you are gaining coordination in your arms and fingers and may even be sucking your thumb! You have grown and changed so much these first 12 weeks of your existence and I am just amazed at this whole process. You are amazing baby Smalls and so so very loved already!


S said...


Julie said...

Wonderful news!