Thursday, January 9, 2014

Fear of the Good

Sometimes in life we have to do things that are hard.  I am in a moment of that right now.  As most of you have known for almost a year, I have been posting statuses about an upcoming trip to Ethiopia.  I have been excited about the opportunity to return to a country that is so special to us!  However, one thing that most of you don't know, is the battle in my heart I have had with this trip over the course of this last year.  I've known this is something I was being called to do for 12 months now.  However, that doesn't mean the build up for this has been easy for me.  I am not a huge fan of flying, much less flying half a world away.  I am also not a huge fan of being separated from my children, much less being 30 hours away from them for 10 days.   There were a few days last spring where the fear almost one me over, but I knew that I needed to go on this trip.

Sometimes the things God lead us to are not easy for us to do.  I admit I sit here in fear today imagining leaving my kids in one week.  There's fear of 13 and 17 hour flights respectfully.  There is fear over what could happen to the kids while we are gone.  There is fear over getting sick while on this trip (or upon returning home, like last time).  There is fear of what we are going to see and experience on this trip and that maybe God might stretch us further than we want to be stretched.

I don't know what this trip holds, however I read a blog post today that really spoke to me while we anticipate this journey we are going on.  "Do it Afraid"  As this post points out:

The real F word.
Keeps us from trusting.
Keeps us from risking.
Keeps us from healing.
Keeps us trapped. Keeps us from doing.

It tells us lies :
You are not good enough.  It will be too hard for you.  You will fail.  It will be too painful. You cannot do it. You are alone.
Most of us find ways to manage what we’re fearful about, you do it  - and I do it.
Sometimes our heads trick us into thinking that our previous tries and our previous success doesn’t mean anything.
And later in the post:  
I’ve heard it said, “practice makes perfect”.  I’m too much of a realist to believe that to be true in this instance. Practicing doing scary things doesn’t really make me perfect at it. I’m still afraid sometimes. I don’t know how to stop being afraid completely and consistently. I’m not finding ‘perfection’ as I continually practice facing both my rational and irrational fears.
I only know that sometimes – I have to do it afraid. 
We all do.
I highly recommend reading the full post.  As I will spend a lot of time in prayer in this week ahead,  I know  more than likely some fear will remain.  Considering "do not be afraid" is such a common quote in the Bible, I know I am not alone.  But I also know that God has some amazing experiences planned for us and that we are going to have a GREAT trip!  I am still excited and anticipating our time in Ethiopia, but I guess it is okay to be a little afraid and excited at the same time!  That's what makes it an adventure!
If you would like to keep us in your prayers these next couple weeks, a few specific things:
1) Protection and health of the kids while we are gone
2) Strength and peace as my mommy heart says goodbye to them :)
3) Health for us as we travel (and come home)
4) That I don't lose my mind on those long flights, and that we don't encounter any flight delays (especially when I'm trying to get home to my babies!)  
And in case you are wondering, I will try to keep everyone updated via the blog while we are on the trip. Another site to keep your eyes on is