Peter's First Father's Day

Sunday was Peter's First Father's Day. It is kind of hard to celebrate your first Father's Day thousands and thousands of miles away from your son.

So what can I say about Peter on his first Father's Day? Well, I know he is going to be a terrific father! I can already see that he loves his son with all of his heart! Some of my favorite moments are when we lay in bed right before turning off the light and stare at our son's face in the pictures next to the bed. I can see the pride in his eyes for our little boy!

There is no doubt he loves that little boy! Just yesterday he shared with me in the heartache of not passing court. He hurt and loves just as strongly as I do! I love hearing him pray for our son! He is truly thankful for this gift we've been given and he can't wait to get our son home!

Something I have always appreciated about Peter, even if I didn't like it at the time: Right after we got married, I was ready to start our family. Peter was not. Peter let me know that from the start. I pouted and complained a lot (years!) and he dealt with it. He always told me that he just wasn't ready yet and wanted to get us more established. He said how when he became a father, he wanted to be "all in". He has never taken the decision to be a father lightly. He has always wanted to be a great father and he is!

From the first moment we decided to adopt he has been "all in!". He's endured fundraiser after fundraiser. He's endured numerous background checks and a medical physical. He's tolerated a woman asking him very personal questions (he did amazing and did most of the talking during our homestudy!) He has tolerated my craziness throughout this whole process and even endured 5 or 6 shots for the cause and a nasty bug post vaccines! He is most definitely "all in" and I love seeing how excited he is to become a DAD!!!

Domesticated

So how is life on the home front as a stay at home wife? Blissful!!!

I seriously had no idea how relaxing life could be. I feel normal now! I honestly didn't realize just how much my job was stressing me out. On the surface it didn't seem too stressful, but always being pushed beyond what one is capable of doing in a normal work week and dealing with difficult people is very stressful! I feel so much better as a person now.

I really am a better wife. If momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy is SO TRUE! Now that I am relaxed and happy, Peter is more relaxed and happy which creates a much better marriage! Truly money will not make you happy. We have had to make some serious financial sacrifices to make this work, but I can already tell you that it is worth it!

I finally feel like I have time to take care of my home. Home as in my house, my pets, my husband, and soon my son! Working the long days that I was working it was too hard to do and be everything. I was always doing the minimum trying to keep everyone happy.

I feel so domesticated now :) The house is finally clean, I have time to cook good meals, I have time to take care of myself spiritually and work out! I have daily schedules of housework that keep the house clean, I actually fold the laundry now and make the bed :) I never realized just how much my husband appreciates coming home to a clean house! The fact that he doesn't have to help out as much around here has greatly improved his mood and his stress level too!!!

Staying home has been an awesome change for us so far! The overall health of our family cannot be bought with two incomes! So yes, being a stay at home wife has been everything I thought it would be and much much more. I had no idea the positive effect it would have on our marriage and I know that the time spent with Malachi will be invaluable!

Going back in time 6 years......

I will forever remember June 6th 2004.

We were all of one day past our high school graduation. But it really was the beginning of the rest of my life!

6 years ago, while celebrating grad night a boy named Peter seemed to always be around me. Now, in a class of 12 students that isn't all that surprising.

Peter and I had been spending a lot of time together the weeks leading up to graduation. I kind of figured that would be the end of it. I would graduate and over time lose touch with all of my high school friends. I didn't want that to be the end of it, but I didn't expect it to turn into anything beyond flirting.

We spent our grad-night at a beach house and while most of the grads went to bed (lame) 5 of us stayed up all night hanging out and talking. Peter was one of those people. As morning arrived, we all decided to take one last walk on the beach before coming home. Apparently Peter was trying to get some private time to talk to me during this walk, but our classmates were always around bugging us so he gave up. We then headed home....... and that could have been the end of our story.

Well, a strange thing happened on the way home. Call it a faulty cruddy bus or call it divine intervention - but either way I am eternally grateful to that cruddy old bus. The bus died on the side of the road 14 miles from the Coast.

This gave my wonderful husband enough time to work up the guts to ask me an all important question.

We sat in the back of the bus for a long time talking. Peter was kind of quizzing me to try and see how I felt about him and I was not letting on because I had no idea how he felt about me. I was so afraid that he would tell me he just wanted to be friends so I was protecting my heart.

Oh the silly games we play.............

I remember him asking me a question about how a guy would know if I was interested in him and I responded with a "yeah, I don't really think about dating a guy until I know that he is interested." (yeah right!)

And Peter responded with the words that I still carry around with me today. If you look closely at the inside of my wedding band you will see the words "I AM INTERESTED"

Yep, that's what he said and the rest is history!

Right about that time our rescuers showed up and took us home in cars. We weren't able to finish our conversation and I remember trying to write notes to each other in the car to finish that conversation so no one else would know. Somehow we left the car as "a couple".

It is already hard to think back to those early days of dating. There is a lot that I can't remember but there are a few memories I still hold close.

The first time Peter told me he loved me, our first kiss, telling Peter I loved him. That last day before Peter left for college that we spent at the beach - amazing day that I will forever remember! I remember sitting in the sand for hours talking and watching the sunset, not wanting the day to end because we both knew it would be months before we'd see each other again. Crying at dinner and finally realizing just how much I loved that boy! Dating over the phone for months. Great months of talking and getting to know each other over the phone. Staying up way to late at night talking on the phone - so late that we would fall asleep on the phone. Finally getting to see each other again and realizing I wasn't just dating a voice.

Those were the early days of our relationship. It was such a special time of excitement and laying the groundwork for an amazing partnership! Yep, June 6th, 2004 was the start of something great!!!

Starting Life

It feels like life is about to start. Not to say that I haven't enjoyed myself up to this point, but most of it has felt like prep-work. Peter and I are quickly approaching our 4th year of marriage and we have truly enjoyed the last 4 years of marriage together and the 6 years we've been together. It is just so nice to finally see the hopes and plans we had for our life together finally happening!

Let me explain:

6 years ago, when we started dating, Peter was just preparing for his first year of college. Over the course of those first 2 months of dating, we knew our love was forever type of love and we knew it was going to last! I was still very unsure of what I wanted to spend my life doing. The only thing we knew when Peter left for school in September is that we wanted to get married in 2 years and that I needed to get a job. So I did.

I have spent the last 5 1/2 years working hard to get our life started. Peter also was working 30 hours a week, while balancing a very full class schedule (up to 30 credits a semester). We started our life off at a very good place for being 20 years old. After our wedding, we kept at it! We were only halfway there. Peter still had 2 years of school left. We enjoyed married life to its fullest, while still balancing work schedules and Peter's class schedule.

Finally, Peter graduated! It was a great day. I finally felt the financial responsibility for our family get lifted off my shoulders. Peter was more than happy to take that role over! We were able to step out of survival mode and start preparing for our future together which included children and a bigger house.

The last 2 years have been spent preparing for that. We've bought the house and we almost have our first child home! Life is good. The final piece of that puzzle we dreamed and talked and planned for almost 6 years ago is about to happen. I am about to quit my job and be able to stay at home with my children! I am thrilled and feel so incredibly blessed that we are in a place where I am able to enjoy my time at home with my children!

I have one more week of work before my personal dream job will start! Okay, so Malachi isn't home yet, but he will be soon. I have worked hard. It hasn't been easy. I currently have a very bad back ache and sore wrists as a reminder of just how difficult the last 5 1/2 years have been on my body. In case you were unaware - upholstery work is not easy!!!

But here I am - steps away from the finish line. I have completed this task. I have sacrificed. I am about to get the ultimate reward! I am thankful to my husband for allowing me to stay at home!

With that being said. Here are the top 10 things I am looking forward to:

1) Not getting up at 4:30 in the morning for more then a feeding and diaper change. (Malachi, I pray you are nice to your mommy and don't wake up and want to play at this awful hour of the night!)

2) A direct result of not having to get up at 4:30 - being able to stay up later at night!

3) Being able to do things during the week! I don't have to fight with the weekend crowd at the grocery store. I can join Bible studies and support groups that happen during the week. Places are much less crowded during the week!

4) Not being involved with "work drama" or work stress caused by under staffing. I already feel the stress disappearing.

5) Being a better wife. I am confident that I will be a better wife as a result of this life change!

6) Hopefully being able to do a better job of keeping up on housework and cooking better meals at night. I know a baby could mess this one up, but I hope to do better at all of this!

7) Not having my life dictated to me between the hours of 5:30-4:00 everyday. No more scheduling appointments for after 4:15 and no more having to rely on 3 free weeks a year of vacation time.

8) Hopefully relief in the aches and pains. I don't know what carrying a little guy around all day will do to my back, but I hope overall the symptoms improve.

9) More than 12 weeks of bonding time with my son when he gets home! Infinite days of bonding. I get to hold that little boy until he doesn't want me to anymore! It is NOT dictated by my employer but instead by my new boss who is all of 7 weeks old ;)

10) Not missing a single smile, a single feeding, a single diaper change. Being there for every first. First roll overs, first crawls, first steps, first words. Being available for every hug, kiss, boo boo. Getting to comfort him every time he cries. Being there for everything will be priceless!!!

Last Few Weeks

We are enjoying this nice, long weekend together. We really are just trying to enjoy the time we have left of just the two of us and the majority of time the two of us have together is on the weekends. We are hopeful that our little guy will be home in the next 6-8 weeks. Hopefully this time will go fast!!!

Our court date has been scheduled for June 15th. We are so excited that in 16 short days Malachi will hopefully legally be our son! We are spending a lot of time in prayer that all the documents will be in order for a first time pass (50-50 chance of passing the first try). In the midst of all that we spend a lot of time looking at his cute little face! He is adorable and I can't wait to get him in my arms and kiss those cute cheeks :) I am hoping to get some updated pictures of him soon. He is 6 weeks old now and the last pictures I got of him he was under 3 weeks old so I know he has changed a lot in that time.

I turned in my official notice at work! Man, that felt good :) My department has lost 9 or 10 employees since January and they have not hired anyone. They are trying to be careful with the current state of the economy, but there are just not enough people and they are working everyone like crazy. I am so glad to be almost done! June 10th will be my last day. It is weird to be going through so many life changes right now.

It reminds me so much of when we were preparing to get married. We knew what things were going to look like. We had a good idea of where we would be financially. We had read books and taken pre-marital counseling and had a decent idea of what marriage would look like. But it was still a leap of faith. We didn't really know how things were going to be until after we jumped in. It was a nervous and very exciting time and the months leading up to our marriage we just wanted to get the wedding day over with so we could start our lives together.

We've done our research on adoption and parenting. We have a decent idea of what our financial situation will look like as a one income family. We've read the books and taken the classes for everything from parenting technics, to bonding with an adopted child, to transracial families. But it is still a leap of faith. We are very comfortable as a family of 2 and while we can't wait to become 3, it is a little nerve wracking knowing a baby will change our marriage and our entire family dynamic. But most of all we are just excited. Very, very excited!!! We wish we could skip the next few weeks and get right to the good part of getting Malachi in our arms and start our lives together!!!

Nesting?

I don't know if it is spring cleaning or nesting, but either way we're hitting the deep cleaning pretty hard this weekend. Now that the depressing time of waiting is behind us and the excitement of referral stuff is done it feels like we have so much to get done before we take off for Africa. We are cleaning and moving things around while we're at it to make sure everything is safe for a little one. Peter spent the morning cleaning out our hot tub and we've posted it on craigslist for free to just try and get it out of here. We told our social worker back in October that we were getting rid of it and now we really need to get it out of here before she comes back into our home after Malachi gets home. So hopefully it goes soon! I've been cleaning the inside. My cleaning motivation had disappeared there for awhile (adoption waiting depression?) but now it is back and I have a lot of work to do! We also have a few little projects left to get done in Malachi's room and then we will post pictures of his completed room!

We are already well over our limit of 4 suitcases for Ethiopia. We have to pack all of Malachi's stuff in our carry on's (fun fun fun) as there is no guarantee our luggage will make it. We already have almost 4 tubs of donations to take to the orphanage and our agency called us and asked us if we could take 2 more that they have over when we go. So we will be over the limit. We will try and get the airport to waive the additional fees since we are taking over humanitarian aid or otherwise we might have to pay a few $100 more dollars to get the stuff over there. Oh well. We have started buying all the stuff we need to take over there. There is a lot of stuff to pack for a little one! Also, since he will probably be right around 3 months when we get to go get him, we will need to pack 0-3 month size clothes AND 3-6 month size clothes.

I am finishing up my last few weeks of work. I haven't turned in my notice yet, but I am planning on my last day of work being the day before we go to court. We are hoping to get a court date this coming week and hoping it will be soon! It is really hard to get up the motivation to go to work right now, but it is nice knowing that I only have a few more weeks. I do admit that it is a little scary to think of being a one income family, but we know we will make it.

Peter just celebrated his 1 year at his employer this past week! That means he has a raise coming any day now :) It is also bonus month for him so we are eagerly anticipating that! We have been putting away some money each month as reserves for when I quit working. His bonus will make it to where I will at least have a year of a safety net after I quit -which is awesome!!!

Exciting things are coming!!!

Tomorrow is Malachi's 1 month birthday - Happy 1 month Malachi, we miss you!

Malachi is here!!!

3 days ago we first laid eyes on our beautiful baby boy! Words cannot describe how the past 3 days have felt!

1 Samuel 1:27 "For this boy I prayed, and the LORD has given me my petition which I asked of Him"

This has been a desire in our hearts for a very long time. 10 years ago, at the age of 14 God directed my heart towards adoption for some point in my adult life. I honestly figured I would be in my 30's before this desire became truth, but I am thrilled that it happened sooner. We have had so many questions over the past few years - we wanted a family. It is just incredible to look back on the past year, now knowing what we know.

We felt led to adoption on July 12th of 2009 - Around this time Malachi was just coming into existence and God knew he needed a family.

We were officially accepted into the Ethiopia program on July 22nd - Right around the time that Malachi was conceived.

On August 2nd we turned in our contracts to AGCI and we able to truly start the adoption process - right around the time that Malachi's birth mom may have noticed that she could be pregnant

On August 11th I wrote: My heart breaks for a mother who is going to make the ultimate sacrifice. - How was Malachi's mother feeling on this day early in her pregnancy?

On August 21st this verse came to mind Romans 12:12-13 "Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and always be prayerful. When God's children are in need, be the one to help them out

On August 30th we turned in our homestudy documents. Malachi's birthmom would have been about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant. Was she sick? Was she scared?

On September 21st my fingerprints were rejected by the state of Oregon. I didn't understand why and I was so frustrated for this hold up. I knew it would put a major delay in the process. God must have known we were moving to fast. We needed to slow down - Malachi's birthmom was only around 11 weeks pregnant and she needed more time.

On September 29th God directed me to this verse Jeremiah 1:5-7 "The word of the Lord came to me, saying "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

"Ah, Sovereign Lord," I said, "I do not know how to speak, I am only a child."
But the Lord said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord.

At this time I started praying intently for Malachi and the plans that I felt God had for Malachi's future. Malachi would have been right around 12 weeks along in utero.

On October 18th we picked a name - Malachi. After all these years of God pressing me that I would adopt a son and He would do amazing things for God and then directing me to that verse on Sepember 29th - Malachi was the perfect name - it means Messenger. Malachi would have been 14-15 weeks along in Utero. Was his birthmom starting to show? What were her thoughts at this time? Was she afraid and wondering what she was going to do?

On October 30th we got our first wait list numbers. 20 baby boys in front of us before getting to meet Malachi. We were hopeful that we would not have to wait long to see his face but we still had a ways to go. Malachi's birthmom was only 17-18 weeks pregnant at this time. Was she starting to feel those first signs of a baby moving inside her? I was certainly carrying Malachi in my heart!

On November 16th I wrote about being woken up in the middle of the night needing to pray for Malachi's birthmom. I am so curious about what was happening in her life, but all I know is my heart was breaking for her. She would have been around 20 weeks pregnant.

Christmas time was especially hard for me. I longed for my little one and my heart was broken. Malachi was about 25 weeks along, but I wanted him SOON! He still needed 15 weeks of growth to come into the world healthy (which thankfully he is!) I never thought I was going to have to wait 5 more months to meet him.

Around January 28th I was having an especially hard time with the waiting. I was miserable! I was so upset to still be waiting but on my way to work God gave me a word "Even though this journey is hard, and the road is long. I've gone before you and I am with you. You must go through this valley. Nothing compares to what is in front of you! Press on child, I am with you!!!" It was so hard to wait but God knew that we still had to wait awhile longer. Malachi's birthmom would have been almost 30 weeks pregnant. She would have been getting big and I am sure Malachi was kicking all the time. Nothing does compare to the gift God has given us.

On February 21st during another difficult stormy time God told me that He had us covered. That we will get the victory! That we will get on a plane and bring home a son! During worship we sang the words "It's the song of the redeemed, rising from the African plain". Malachi was probably about 34 weeks pregnant. Her body was getting closer and closer to preparing for labor. I am sure she was getting uncomfortable. Was she hiding her pregnancy? I bet she was scared and sad.

On March 2nd I wrote: I am trying my hardest to not be frustrated in this waiting. I know there is a greater plan and purpose that is being fulfilled in your life halfway around this world, but that doesn't make this time any easier. I just hope we don't have to wait too many more months before seeing your face. Wherever you might be right now, I pray that you are safe and healthy. I pray that God gives your birth family peace because someone halfway around this world loves you so much and is longing for you at this very moment."

I pray God gave Malachi's birthmom some comfort during this time as she was only 6 weeks away from Malachi's birth.

On March 29th - 2 1/2 weeks before Malachi entered the world I wrote

"I keep thinking about the call. I wonder what I will actually do when I see K's number on the phone. Will I be able to even think straight? How will I react when she tells us she has someone she would like to talk to us about? Will I become overcome with emotion right there in front of my co-workers? Will I be able to hold off on crying at least until I call Peter? I can't wait to hear our baby's name! I can't wait to hear what day he was born!

I know I will leave work as quickly as possible and call Peter as soon as I get out of my building! Will I even be able to utter the words to Peter (I'm sure he will be able to figure out what I'm trying to say though). Will I be able to safely drive home and maintain a legal speed limit? How will I feel after getting home and listening as Peter listens from work about our little boy. What will we be thinking? How will we process all the information as we learn about our son's health, personality, and history?

Then the moment I've been waiting for! The moment I will be able to open an email and see my baby's face! Will he have an adorable toothless grin? Will he be serious? Will he be scared? Will he have a head of thick curls? Will he look like a little old man with a little bald head? Will he have chubby little cheeks or will he be oh so tiny? I can't wait to look into his big brown eyes!!!

I find this one funny on April 12th only 4 days before Malachi was born I wrote:

Yes - I am DUE!!! It is time for me to see my little boy's face. I have dreamed of that day for so long now and I have to admit that it is hard to actually imagine that the call is coming really soon! I am trying not to think about it too much, but I admit that it is hard not to constantly be thinking about my phone ringing.

We are ready. Everything is ready and I am so hopeful and prayerful that we can and will get through before the 2 trip policy goes into place. Baby Dash is about to have a name, a face, and a birthday. How much longer will my patience hold out? The closer we get, the harder it is to wait. Oh how I pray that we don't have to wait much longer!

On April 14th - 2 days before Malachi was born - I was very restless. VERY restless. I wrote:

I know we will make it through. I will keep waiting as long as I have to. I know God will be faithful and all the pain will make seeing his sweet face and hearing those desired words "I have a little boy I want to talk to you about" so much richer! But I will continue to pray for our baby boy and wake up tomorrow with continued hope that maybe, just maybe the phone will ring!

On April 22nd we became #1. The next baby boy at Hannah's Hope would be our son. Little did we know that Malachi was only 6 days old at this time!

On April 23rd - the day Malachi arrived at HH I wrote:

No call today. We've been holding our breath all day - hoping and praying but God has different plans. Hopefully this will be the last weekend we're left hanging. I know there is a lot of envy over that top spot, I've had that same envy numerous times on this journey - but being #1 is not so much fun :)
The only thing carrying me through is the knowledge that our call IS coming very soon!!!

On April 29th I rested upon peace. I had a long conversation with my caseworker about everything. This was the day that Malachi became paper ready to meet us.

May 2nd I was in horrible shape. I was so distraught with the waiting. I had no idea that I was hours away from seeing my son!

This has been quite the journey! God's perfection has left me in awe!

With that being said - Peter and I did a little shopping last night :) I have been dying to know what size of things to buy for my boy. I did not expect to get to buy 3-6 month size stuff though but I was in heaven. Finally being a mother means the world to me! I am just so soooo happy!!!

And a tiny little sneak peak of our precious son! Malachi - we love you sooooo much!!!